Emperor's New Clothes

In a recent column, New York Times Fashion Editor Vanessa Friedman responded to a woman asking for advice on finding a lightweight jacket for travel that wasn't as stuffy as a blazer nor as casual as a sweater. Friedman pointed her to one of the latest sartorial crossbreeds, a coverup with the silhouette and details of a traditional button-down shirt, but made of a thicker material more akin to a jacket. The name of this bastard offspring of a shirt and a jacket? A shacket, of course.

The term is the one of the latest in the long line of hybrid words that trace their lineage back to Shakespeare, but were given a name by Lewis Carroll. In "Through the Looking Glass," Alice recites the poem "Jabberwocky," whose first line is "Twas brillig, and the slithy toves." Confused as to its meaning, she asks Humpty Dumpty to explain: "Well, 'slithy' means ‘lithe and slimy.' 'Lithe' is the same as 'active.' You see it's like a portmanteau - there are two meanings packed up into one word." Perhaps ironically, the term "portmanteau" is a portmanteau itself, combining the French words "porter" (carry) with "manteau" (cloak). From there it's a straight line to frenemy (friend + enemy), glamping (glamorous+ camping) and romcom (romance + comedy).

While combining two words to form a new one whose meaning borrows from both started centuries ago, it's an accelerating growth industry. As we search for ever more efficient ways of communicating, new terms are formed that fill our previously unmet linguistic needs. Indeed, some portmanteaus have become so ingrained in our language that we forget (if we ever knew) that they were made of component parts in the first place. There's newscast (news + broadcast), stash (store and cache) and popsicle (pop + icicle). And while metaverse, one of the newest, seems a fairly obvious mashup of meta and universe, most don't realize that its underpinning is as well: internet is a portmanteau made from interconnected and network.

But back to that shacket. Fashion is essentially defined by combining and twisting existing items to construct new ones. Whether it's adding a strip of silk to a collar or a piece of denim to a pocket, the essence of clothing design is a mashup to create something unique. Most often it's toying around at the margins, accessorizing or tweaking the basics. But every now and again you get (to use an analogy near and dear to my stomach) a chocolate and peanut butter moment, and that makes it ripe for a new word. 

In those cases the resulting Frankenstein-ian creation needs a name that reflects its origins. Hence you get a tankini, a combination of a tank top and a bikini. Likewise combine shorts and a skirt, and you get skorts. And then there's the combo that is not a curiosity but an entire industry. All those yoga pants and tracks suits worn not to the gym but to go out and about have turned the athleisure segment into a $411 billion market and growing.

Not all combos nor their names have quite the same mainstream acceptance. Indeed, while I have a pair of open footwear I wear in warmer weather I have never called them mandals (man + sandals). In the winter my wife loves her mittens that have flaps she can pull back to reveal individual fingers underneath, but not once have I ever heard her refer to them as glittens (gloves + mittens). And I confess to not ever knowingly seeing a pair of shoots (shoes + boots), whorts (winter + shorts) or a blurt (blouse + skirt). That's not to say they don't exist, but are elusive in the real world. And even if I did see them, I doubt I would use their "proper" name. More likely, just as if I were to see a Yeti, I would probably say "What the hell is that?" 

Call them what you will, but jorts, shackets and jeggings are here to stay. Like infotainment, McMansions and workaholics, their names neatly encapsulate what they are even if they don't automatically roll off the tongue. True, it took motorcade, brunch and bionic a while to become "real" words. But if I see a guy with tight trousers, while I may call them lots of things, but don't expect me to go with meggings. 

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Marc Wollin of Bedford will not be wearing a mankini. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Thin Mint Lips

I like Diet Coke. I do not care that Taylor Swift likes it too, that according to her, it "just gets me and my lifestyle." I also enjoy Tim Horton's coffee, and have the same reaction to their celebrity spokesperson Justin Bieber. The same goes for Adidas sneakers and musician Bad Bunny, Logitech computer accessories and singer Lizzo, and even the occasional McDonald's chicken nugget and the Korean boy band BTS. To be clear I have nothing against any of these people. It's just that, for me at least, their endorsement doesn't make the product any more or less desirable. I confess that I do have a George Foreman Grill, not because of him, but because it makes a wicked grilled cheese sandwich.

My feelings aside, celebrity endorsements are obviously effective in some way. Someone way smarter than me has done the math and decided that the name and exposure that comes with that association is worth it in sales or good will or just plain reflected light. That's why Nespresso paid George Clooney $40 million, Pepsi paid Beyonce $50 million and Adidas paid David Beckham $160 million. 

In some of these cases part of the cache is that the star in question actually uses the product. Bobby Flay might actually cook with Sardel pans, Roger Federer probably wears a Rolex watch, and Michael Jordan prefers Nike sneakers. In other cases, not so much. It's not that Sofia Vergara couldn't shop at WalMart, but far more likely you'll find her at Bergdorf Goodman.

The one area where the star's name might actually indicate that they are more than just a paid shill is makeup. Celebrities do have very particular tastes and needs in the stuff that they out on their faces on a daily basis, whether it is for a talk show, a movie roll or just appearing in public. And so it's not surprising that every year another crop of custom eyeshadow, foundation and concealer gets released under a celebrity name that purports to be their special blend. Just this year alone has seen Scarlett Johansson's The Outset, Gwen Stefani's GXVE (pronounced "give") and Alicia Keys' Keys Soulcare. Even guys are getting in on the act: singer John Legend announced plans a for a new line of skin care products, as yet unnamed.

In each case the beauty and skin care products associated with the star are based on some purported aesthetic that defines them, though they all start to sound the same. "Clean," "Natural" and "representing my own beauty standards" are buzz words and phrases that appear over and over. If you take away the identifying packaging I would venture only the most die-hard fans would be able to differentiate between blushes from Drew Barrymore, Rihanna and Selena Gomez and their respective Flower Pot, Fenty Beauty and Rare Beauty lines of products.

That said, a new line came out this past week that has an aesthetic even I understand. I know its color palette, its tones, even its scents, and am a big fan of its namesake. If the goal of makeup is to make the wearer more attractive to others, than this one will certainly make an impression on a wide swath of the population. And why would even I notice a new makeup line? Because L.A.-based beauty brand HipDot just released the Girl Scout Cookie Collection.

Themed to your favorite edibles, the collection features "two deliciously scented eyeshadow palettes, three creamy lipsticks, two custom-designed eye brushes, and a collector's box for Girl Scout Cookie enthusiasts and beauty lovers alike." The Thin Mints palette is in tones of nudes, browns, and taupes, while the Coconut Caramel palette is in tones of tones of purples, black and gray. And the trio of lipsticks come in Lemon, Coconut Caramel, and Thin Mints flavors and scents. No need any more to dab a bit of Do-si-Dos cream behind your ears. 

It turns out this type of "celebrity" endorsement is not an outlier. Also this year e.l.f. Cosmetics collaborated with Dunkin' to make a donut inspired set of products including Lip Glaze, while Glamlite has the Guilty Eats collection with five different palettes themed around Hershey Kiss flavors. While none of this might be as sophisticated as Chanel No5, it will certainly hit a certain demographic. And now when your date says you look good enough to eat, they're not kidding.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford doesn't endorse anything. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Zoned Out

I felt horrible. Clare and I had been playing phone tag, and wanted to have an actual conversation to tie up multiple lose ends on a project. But with her schedule and mine we just seemed to keep missing each other. Finally we had an email exchange where it looked like we were both fairly free the following day. I wrote I would reach out in the morning; she said that worked out for her, as she was pretty quiet herself. 

The next day, after some coffee, cleaning out all the overnight junk mail and getting settled, I dialed her number. Like many of us, Clare has multiple ways to reach her. For sure I could use her US based cell phone. But Clare is a Brit, and so has a UK based mobile as well. And there's also WhatsApp, which in addition to its texting abilities permits voice calls, and works on any platform. I knew that she had been in the States, but she had said was returning. As I was in Berlin on vacation, I was an hour ahead of London. And since I knew she was an early riser, I figured my 930AM was her 830AM, and it would be perfect before either of us got too tied up.

I found her contact info and tried her WhatsApp number, figuring she would use whatever device was closest. No answer: perhaps she was otherwise engaged. I waited 15 minutes, then tried again. Same result. Just as I was preparing to send her an email suggesting she name a better time, a message popped up. Not "I'm on a call" or "Stuck in Zoomland," but rather "Sleeping. Call you later." When she said "returning" I assumed she meant to England. But she had been in San Francisco, and was going back to New York. I had rung her twice at 330AM.

If all your interactions are with folks in your own hood, then your morning, noon and nights are the same. Allowing for wiggle room, early means early and late means late. You know when they are going to be uncaffeinated, when they are likely having dinner and when they are putting on their PJ's. And truth be told, with so much interaction happening asynchronously over various written platforms, the time becomes unimportant. You can send a message when it suits you and they can respond when it suits them. 

But sometimes you just gotta be together. Whether is a brainstorming session or a real time review or (as is often in my case) a video or audio recording, there are times when you and your mates just have to occupy the same space time continuum. And that can be a challenge as companies adapt to the new reality of where employees base their desks.  In this instance Clare and I were just 2 pieces of the puzzle. We had to find a time to convene a panel of experts to be taped online. I was in Berlin, the producer, studio and one panelist were in London, another was in Austin, another in Dallas, one in California and one in New Paltz, NY. We spanned 9 time zones. Were we to bring drinks to the session, a nightcap, beer, iced tea and morning coffee would all have been correct, not to mention Red Bull.

And we had it easy. If you're trying to coordinate with folks in Asia, the time difference can be almost half a day or more to most of the US. And those are in whole numbers. There are places on the globe, like India, Nepal and parts of Australia where the offset is 15 or 30 minutes plus several hours. So depending on the time of year your 200PM meeting in Pensacola will be at 900PM in Paris, 1200PM in Pacific Grove, 500AM in Parramatta, 1230AM in Pune and 1245AM in Pokhara. It recalls "The 11 O'Clock Report," an early George Carlin bit: "It's 8 o'clock in Los Angles. It's 9 o'clock in Denver. It's 10 o'clock in Chicago. In Baltimore it's 6:42."

So sorry again, Clare, for waking you up. I promise next time to pay more attention to where you are before I ring you so as not to interrupt your dreams. But to be safe, perhaps you should consider leaving your phone in another room.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is still getting over jetlag from his last trip. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Social Eating

While you may have come to hate the words, over the past two years there are countless things that have "pivoted to virtual." And while they may not have been perfect replacements, the internet equivalents were at least functional. You couldn't go the theater, but Netflix was more than adequate. School and work became the equivalent of food courts with videoconferencing. Concerts were scaled down to intimate "at home" performances. Even visiting with family and friends was possible: from happy hour to weddings, all available roads led online, so we grabbed the Zoomer-thingie in one hand and a glass in the other.

There was one area, however, that had no online equivalent and it involved food in all its forms. True, you could order takeout via countless apps, and even attend virtual cooking classes and learn the best wine pairings. But the most important aspect of any food interaction, the actual eating and tasting, was a nonstarter. For all of our technological derring-do and tales of cross-platform connectivity, sending spareribs via the web has yet to be perfected. (Actually, it has never been done, but maybe one of these days. Are you listening Facebook?)

So as we dip our toes back into the real world (or just as likely run at full gallop into the pool while screaming madly and do a belly flop), one of the things we most want to do is put something, anything into our mouths with other people by our sides. And while that means restaurants and ice cream stands and bar-be-ques, it also means festivals. Those social gatherings were in mothballs for the past two years, and are just bursting to get back on our dance cards. While there are any number of general get-togethers and food truck rodeos, there are also a number of highly specialized gatherings which appeal to very particular tastes. As the calendar rolls out, here are just some of the options for spending a few hours on a weekend stuffing your face.

Just around the corner is the party in Ellsworth WI. As the "Cheese Curd Capital of Wisconsin" it celebrates that status with a festival at the end of June. At the Cheese Curd Central Booths, you can get them three ways. They have the classic, where they are deep fried and ready for dipping in your favorite sauce. If you have a sweet tooth you could try the cinnamon sugar dessert curds, described as "If a cheese curd and a mini donut had a love-child, this would be it." And then there's the fair's mystery flavor, as yet to be released. Past favorites have included hickory, jalapeno bacon and Buffalo.

Or you could head to Barnesville, MN. Any other time of year you might be tempted to travel the 20 minutes to nearby Rothsay to see the 9000-pound statue of a Prairie Chicken. But if you go at the end of August, Barnesville is ground zero for the Potato Days Festival. Between the picking, peeling and mashed potato eating contests, you can immerse yourself in all things spud. And you can try the local lefse, a sort of potato flatbread that pays tribute to the region's Norwegian heritage.

If you have time to head to the Midwest a little earlier, the place to be in early August is Crystal Falls MI. It's there that for the 30th year they will be feting a giant mushroom that's been growing since, well, no one really knows. Covering over 37 subterranean acres, this Armillaria gallic can't been seen, but that doesn't stop the locals from celebrating it. And what do you call a festival for a very large mushroom? Why, the Humongous Fungus Fest, of course.

That's hardly the end of the list. At the end of July in Woodbridge, VA there's the Potomac Mills Mac and Cheese Festival. In Somerville, MA in September it's the "Fluff at First Sight: Back on Track" festival, celebrating the marshmallow spread. And the last Saturday in September in Marlinton, WV is the annual Autumn Harvest Festival and Roadkill Cook-off. Not to worry: the dishes prepared don't actually use real roadkill, but rather the kinds of animals that often end up that way. Past offerings have included stewed black bear mixed with chili and beans, squirrel gravy on biscuits, and "Drunken Deer in the Headlights."

Maybe I'll just throw a burger on the grill and call it a day.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford loves to eat. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.