This Happened

As the clock winds down to the end of this term
Let's take a step back and see what made us squirm
What made us jump, what made us smile
And what we hope we've seen the last of for a while

We started with hope we might be turning the cards
On vaxing and masking and up with our guards
And while Omicron flared, it was a smaller scale storm
We settled into something, not normal, but norm 

The next threat came from another, not a virus this time
Though some think that label might still be in line
Not a VID but a Vlad that turned all upside down
Thinking he's Peter the Great with a more modern crown 

Would be easy, he thought, to roll in and capture
A country, a people, the alliance was fractured
But the Ukrainians stood strong, and emphatically so
And the rest of the world sent them guns and ammo

Zelensky went prime time when that was the need
Under incredible hardship they followed his lead
Where this goes? No idea. But one thing's for sure
The Bolshoi's not welcome, hot and cold wars endure 

While that drove the headlines, other stories still came
Monkeypox popped up, inflation wasn't tame
Roe vs. Wade was pushed back to the states
The red wave didn't happen, the Fed raised the rates

In venues less weighty, there were battles, quite right
Will slapped Chris, Amber and Johnny did fight
Meanwhile, Maverick flew and Avatar swam
And Taylor wanted concerts, Ticketmaster be dammed

The Rams beat the Bengals, Kansas topped Blue NC
Golden State showed us that crown number 4 was to be
Ortiz made the hall, Aaron broke Roger's mark
And the Astros and Dusty were the kings of the park

Serena bowed out, Tom did, then came back
Boris stepped down, Liz tried, then she cracked
And Elon? He was in, he was out, he was in
Now Twitter is his, but is that a loss or a win?

Elizabeth passed, a monarch strong willed
Jerry Lee, Fleetwood's Christine, their voices are stilled
Bill Russell, Bob McGrath, Ray Liotta and more
Olivia Newton and Meat Loaf, a very sad score

And that barely dents all that happened these days
In a year that started out in a bit of a haze

But as we turn the next page we have to hope as we do
That the next will be better for me and for you

It's all in the rearview, whether you laughed or you cried

Next year? Hopefully good stuff, both out and inside
So thanks for reading, for writing, and to you from me
Peace, love and happiness, and a terrific '23.

-END-

Marc Wollin of Bedford thanks all for spending some time in this space. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Holiday Treats

 The holidays means different things to different people. For many, it's all about the religious thanksgiving for the birth of Jesus. For some it's the festival of Hanukkah, for others the celebration of Kwanzaa. But over time the season itself has taken on a secular life of its own, as people of all faiths view not an exact day but the entire period as an excuse to celebrate life in general, and having made it through another year. In that light, the ability to get together with family is for some by far the most important aspect. For kids of all ages, it's a chance to give and get gifts. And many, me included, it's a chance to eat special dishes and treats which don't make an appearance the rest of the year.

But while Thanksgiving has turkey, Easter has ham and New Year's has champagne, the foods of the Christmas season are more diverse and personalized. Different families have different traditional eats, and those in the know look forward to this time of year to make and enjoy them. That's not to say that you can't make your berry trifle or horseradish-encrusted beef tenderloin or holiday tortellini soup in June or September or February, but part of the reason they are so special is that you get to taste them but once a year.

Still, it's a balancing act between those tastes you remember and crave, and new treats that might be winners going forward. Part of that is the general broadening of our palates, as driven by the internationalism of our everyday cuisine. Chinese food and flavors used to start at chop suey and end at egg foo young. Now its Szechuan beef and Kung Pao chicken, but it's also pork loin with sesame and soy, and barbequed chicken with a ginger and miso glaze. Added to that are new cooking methods from sous vide to air fryer to slow cookers, and the stage is set for things that go way beyond fruitcake.

For example, maybe Christmas tacos might please the crowd. Start with your favorite type of wrap, then add some slow cooker short ribs, topped off with red pomegranate seeds and green cilantro. Or maybe lamb meatballs with an Indian curry sauce. And since there is likely a vegetarian or two in your crowd, ditch the beef wellington and wrap the pastry around a tofu, mushroom and walnut filling.

Then there are the old favorites with a new twist. For example, Christmas pudding is fruit-based treat that's traditionally made with flour and breadcrumbs to hold it all together.  But one cook is circulating a version where the starch used is quinoa, which makes it both gluten free and high in protein (if you care about that when you get to dessert). Or try blending different flavors together, such as with cranberry meatballs, or cinnamon-spiced sweet potato soup. Or if you have a family member (like we do) who is a kale lover, sub that for spinach and make baked kale gratin as an appetizer. No, we don't try and talk sense into him either.

And then there's the latest from Hellmann's. Their signature condiment will likely be a part of one or more your dishes, whether its dips or deviled eggs. But working with mixologist Cody Goldstein of hospitality company Muddling Memories, they are offering up a new take on a classic drink. Dubbed "mayo-nog" it uses mayonnaise in place of eggs in this holiday favorite. Along with dark rum, apple brandy, whole milk, heavy cream, simple syrup, vanilla, nutmeg, and cinnamon, add a quarter cup of mayonnaise to a blender and blend until smooth. One food editor wrote "For Harry Potter fans, it's what you imagine butter beer would taste like." Lest you have any doubts as to the taste, she continues: "Trust me, you'll be surprised at how good it is."

Regardless of what you are making, odds are it will be enjoyed. As we have discovered over years of hosting dinner parties and being invited to them, the fact that someone else is taking the time to make you a meal is all it takes for it to be good. That said, if you invite me over for smalahove, a traditional Norwegian Christmas dish of a sheep's head served with potatoes and rutabaga, I might not ask for seconds: I'm not a big rutabaga fan. 

-END-

Marc Wollin of Bedford eats just about anything. Except liver. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Not So Smooth Criminals

Turns out that Willie Sutton is no longer right.

Sutton was the definition of a career criminal, practicing his craft of bank robbery for more than 40 years. He is likely best remembered for something that he really didn't say, but which was attributed to him by a reporter looking to fill out his story. When asked why he robbed banks, Sutton actually replied "Because I enjoyed it. I loved it. I was more alive when I was inside a bank, robbing it, than at any other time in my life." That apparently didn't fit the narrative the reporter wanted, so he made up the quote which lives to this day: "Why? Because that's where the money is."

While that might have been true back when Sutton was at his peak in the 1920's and 1930's, it's no longer the case. That's not say that banks don't have cash. But as a primary target, several reasons have come together to make them less attractive as a source. For one, there are simply less of them: after peaking at over 85,000 in 2009, the number of branches in the country has declined to a little over 72,000. Meanwhile, punishments have increased: a mid-1980s study put the median sentence at 10 years if a gun wasn't used, and 15 if a gun was involved. And the take is nothing to get excited about: in 2006, the average bank robbery netted about $4,330. Not peanuts, but far below what the movies would have you believe.

That said, the field still attracts professionals and amateurs alike. In the first category are people like DeAndre Thorington and Jeremy Martin from Ohio, who were linked to robberies at 15 banks between February and June of this year. Thorington was the lead, using notes and one minute in-and-outs, while Martin drove the getaway car. All told they netted a little over $41,000 before they were caught, the highest haul being about $9300 and the lowest $753. 

You can argue they weren't the sharpest knifes in the drawer, as they were caught on camera multiple times, had identifying tattoos, and used the same car, all of which led to their eventual arrest. That said, they were positive geniuses next to Sam Brown who successfully robbed a Chase branch in Fountain Valley CA, and then thought it was so easy he came back to rob it again the next day. Or the Florida man who held up a store and got $120, but was quickly arrested with his weapon: his hand in the shape of gun in his shirt. And they both pale next to the guys who ripped off about $18,000 worth of what they assumed where some hi-tech boxes with good resale value, only to find out the hard way that they were GPS trackers. Once they turned them on, the cops knew just where to find them.

It's the same story in cyber-crime, where the money really is, the pool of potential targets is practically limitless, and there is far less risk of getting caught. The big players routinely net millions of dollars, with the biggest haul this year linked to an online game called Axie Infinity. A five-month hack of that system discovered this past March netted over $600 million, though most of that was eventually recovered. Not so with a hack on Crypto.com back in January, where the thieves made off with about $30 million, and neither they nor the loot has been identified. 

At the other end of the spectrum are the multitude of phishing emails we all get, some more obvious than others. I got a notice resembling a Citibank official communique saying I had to respond, or my money would be frozen. Troubling, if not for the fact that the return address was a name at dressbarn-execptional.com. Not quite a tattoo, but a pretty good tell none the less.

That said, they are rocket scientists compare to Alvin Neal. Neal walked into a Wells Fargo branch in San Diego intending to rob it. He approached a teller with his note and plan, but first, he swiped his debit card. Needless to say, he was quickly apprehended. He was sentenced to 46 months, plus paying back the bank the $565 he took. Poor Willie would have been horrified. 

-END-

Marc Wollin of Bedford has never stolen anything to which he will admit. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Bad Week, Good Week

Sam Bankman-Fried is having what could best be described as a bad week. His FTX cryptocurrency exchange not only went belly up, but newly appointed CEO John Ray said that "Never in my career have I seen such a complete failure of corporate controls and such a complete absence of trustworthy financial information as occurred here." Seems the blockchain was, well, blocked.

Also not having a feel-good couple of days is Donald Trump. He was assuming that the judges he appointed wouldn't want to take the shine off of his presidential announcement. But no, the Supreme Court ruled he had to turn his tax records over to a congressional committee, and an appeals court looked likely to end the jurisdiction of a special master over his Mar-a Lago documents. And that doesn't even count the NY state case against his company, where his bestest-man turned star witness against him, and is busy trying to dance around his own culpability while not implicating the boss. 

And then there's Elon Musk. He seems he not only stepped in a pile of you-know-what,but face planted in it as well. Yes, it's hard to garner any sympathy for a situation completely of his own making, but he may set a new record of how you can take an asset worth $54 billion and in less than 5 days virtually destroy it. In that context Taylor Swift's messed up ticket sales for her new tour seems like a stubbed toe.

But while those folks are having an Alexander-level "Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day," others had some very good news indeed. On a global level, as if helping Spain thrash Costa Rica by seven-nil in the first round of the World Cup was not enough, there's Pablo Martín Páez Gavira. Known as Gavi, he became the youngest player to net one at the event in 64 years. At 18 years and 110 days, he ranks third on the list of youngest scorers after Brazil's Pele (17 years and 239 days) in 1958 and Mexico's Manuel Rosas (18 years and 90 days) in 1930.

From cavorting on the pitch in Qatar, we move to another type of coordinated movement. The epicenter of dance these days is not the New York City Ballet or even Broadway, but TikTok. With over a billion users, the hoofing category racks up over 200 billion views on the service, with many of those attributable to Charli D'Amelio. While she recently gave up the number one position on the platform, she swapped that honor for another. On "Dancing with the Stars," she and partner Mark Ballas won the Mirrorball Trophy for the season. Like Gavi, Charlie is also just 18, though not the youngest contestant (Willow Shields at age 14) nor the youngest winner (Laurie Hernandez at age 16). Perhaps her nearly 150 million followers tipped the scales in her favor, but a win is still a win.

At the hyper local/other end of notoriety is the Brazoria County Fair, located about 45 minutes south of Houston. There the Future Farmers of America handed out awards at their annual gathering. Middle school winners included Sophia Guzzetta, who was recognized for as Grand Champion in Rabbit Showmanship, while Tyler Hammond won as Grand Champion Simmental/Heifer subdivision. And props to fourth-grader Kasen Douglas, who won Reserve Champion Market Broilers in the Poultry Group. Say what you will: neither Gavi not Charlie's achievements came with eggs.

Others having a good week include Hakim Jefferies who looks to be the next leader of the Democratic caucus, while Kevin McCarthy may finally get to be Speaker of the House, though that may go from a good thing to a bad thing very quickly. Beyonce got 8 Grammy nominations, while The Society for Health and Physical Education of South Dakota honored Chad Rohde from the Watertown Middle School as this year's Physical Education Teacher of the Year. And let's clap for Boetje's Mustard, which was honored by the Illinois Makers Class of 2022 as one of the best businesses in the state. That's on top of them getting the Bronze Medal in the Honey Mustard Category at the World-Wide Mustard Competition sponsored by the National Mustard Museum in Middletown WI, "America's Favorite Condiment Museum." From Doha to the Badger State, congrats to all.

-END-

Marc Wollin of Bedford was honored to make this year's turkey. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.