While my wife may dispute this, I like to think I'm fairly low maintenance. I eat just about anything she cooks. I have enough socks and underwear to see me through a good number of days, and I'm happy to go for a walk or to a movie if asked. I don't hog the TV, I clean up after myself in the kitchen and bathroom, and make the bed if I'm the last one out. I do my share of cooking, always offer to help clean, and am quite willing to do the laundry, though I have been banned from that task after forgetting to not to put more than one thing I shouldn't have in the dryer.
That said, I do have a hit list when it comes to hotel rooms. It's pretty small and manageable, but if these are not met when I'm on the road I'm not a happy person. The room has to be clean. It has to be quiet, preferably away from both the ice maker and elevator. I'd like a chair to sit in and desk to work at. And it has to, has to, has to have hot water for a shower in the morning, however early that may be.
Beyond that I'm pretty amenable. I get that various establishments try and distinguish themselves by having something a little different, the better to stand out in a look-alike field. Some have modern bathrooms with unique fixtures, others have rolling tables, others have unique art work and decorations. Then there are the extra amenities, like a refrigerator, a coffee maker and such, the better to feel "homier." However, since I make it a point to never eat in my room unless it's the absolutely only possibility, none of that matters to me. Some add a couch or a lounger, but I'm either sitting at the desk or laying on the bed so ditto to that. And a view is nice, but I generally leave before it gets light and am back well after dark.
But I get it: I'm not who they are targeting and I understand why. Most of my hotel stays are for work as opposed to play. And that is the flip of the profile of those who book the most nights. Industry wide, business travel typically accounts for around 30-35% of hotel room usage, while 65-70% is for leisure purposes. So by a two to one ratio they are catering to others as opposed to me in my guise as a road warrior.
Still, while business travelers might prize solid Wi-Fi and vacation visitors want over fluffy robes, our bottom lines are not that dissimilar. We all want a stress-free experience that makes any stay as effortless as possible. So regardless of why I am spending the night, why oh why did the last crash pad I checked into have 4 different light switches on the wall when I walked into the room? One was sideways above the others, and didn't seem to control anything. Of the other three, one turned on a light on the other side of the room, one controlled something in the bathroom, and the last turned on a light outside the door asking for service. And nothing seemed to control the one directly over my head, meaning that I had to prop the door open with my foot when I came or left until my eyes adjusted to the dim.
Let's move to the bed, where another rack of four greeted me. One did some baseboard glow around the bottom, illumination for which I have little use unless I drop something small. One controlled a bathroom light, one a light over the desk, and yes, one did control as pin-spot directly over the pillow. However that was so bright and so straight down that it was better for interrogation as opposed to reading.
And then there was the bed itself. King sized, so fine. Clean, so no issue in that area. Lots of pillows, hard and soft, a nice touch. But it was on the ground. More accurately, it was set onto a platform that was built on the ground. Stylish, perhaps, but to aging knees, a long way down. And getting back on it in the middle of the night after a trip to the bathroom in the dark meant shuffling forward until my ankles hit the platform and I belly flopped into it. Thankfully it was a soft landing.
If you want to go to a spa or a resort or a place to chill for a few days, perhaps your requirements are different. But if you work on the road, a hotel room is there to answer the simple question "I can't get home tonight, where am I gonna sleep?" And in that case, as with most things in life, the Occam's razor approach is usually the best: simple, simple, simple.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford has spent too many nights in beds not his own. His column appears weekly via email and online on Blogspot and Substack as well as Facebook, LinkedIn and X.
