It's a paradox of today that we are both more connected and more isolated than ever before. Connected, because with just a few taps we can interact with anyone anywhere. In addition to family, friends and associates, there are those we know only as billy364 in Alabama and msgoldenhair in Albania. Isolated, because while our reach is infinitely wide it isn't very deep. Our interactions with those same people are generally limited and fleeting, with no development beyond a reflexive response. It's not as though we're going to have lunch once a month with bigbob301. Beyond an LOL or smiley face there's not much depth to the relationship.
So when I stepped onto the express train on the subway, the last thing I was expecting was to strike up a conversation with a total stranger. Even if you ride the tube just a few times you quickly learn the etiquette. Stare into space or look at your phone. Avoid as much physical contact as is practically possible. And beyond the occasional "excuse me" or "you dropped your glove," don't engage with others.
"Are you a fisherman?" asked the guy standing next to me near the door. He was dressed in shorts and a tee shirt and looked like a local vs. an obvious tourist, so his breach of decorum threw me even if the query was benign. "Nah, I just like these shirts." I was wearing what I call a travel shirt, but which many do prefer for angling: long sleeves, vented back, lightweight fabric, multiple pockets. He smiled: "Well, ya got the hat, too." Indeed, I was wearing a folding ball cap made of quick dry material. I smiled back: "It's good stuff for anywhere, as you never know how cold it will get in offices or airplanes, they wash easily, dry quickly, never need ironing."
I figured that was it, way more than your normal interaction. I assumed he would nod, then go back to reading the ads or pull out a phone to check his messages. But it continued: "Yeah I like to travel too. Try to get out 3 times a year." I raised my eyebrows: "That's pretty good. Where to?" assuming the response would be local or to visit kids. Nope, I was wrong. "All over. Bangkok, the Philippines, Europe. Depends on the weather." This guy was way beyond the Jersey shore for a long weekend.
We threw some destinations back and forth – "Yeah, we were there" and "That's on my list" – as we pulled into the next station. The doors opened, people surged out, and a new group surged in. He held his place by the door, while I was pushed across the car to the other side, a distance of six feet or so with four or five people between us. I assumed that was the end of it. But nope.
"We're aiming for Spain in a month, my daughter's going with us, while her mom is in Mexico." Of course he had to raise his voice a bit to be heard. You could see the people between us tense up as they wondered what the story was with this guy. But then I answered, and their heads swiveled. "Yeah, we were in Southern Spain in January. Great time!" "We're starting in Barcelona," he answered back. Me again: "Yup, been there years ago, that's a good bit north of where we were this time." Our audience now accepted that this was a conversation, and while we may have been annoying, we likely weren't dangerous.
Over the roar of the train we continued: wine, weather, the best ways to get from one place to another. Some souls in the middle followed us like a tennis match, most just stared off into space, likely hoping the two us would stop jabbering. As with most things, though, it would eventually have to end. As the train slowed coming into the next stop, he nodded and smiled. "This is me. Safe travels on your next trip." I responded in kind as the doors open, and he stepped out going one way as I went the other.
No, I don't know his name or his politics, his favorite team or where he lives. Yes, I do know he enjoys travel, likes wine and enjoys swapping experiences. You can argue it was as superficial as many connections online. But this one came with a smile and a face, and that somehow made it sweeter.
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford is happy to chat with anyone. His column appears weekly via email and online on Substack and Blogspot as well as Facebook, LinkedIn and X.
