Saturday, January 02, 2010

They Said What?

I'm a word person. I love a well turned phrase, a pithy utterance, an alliterative response. That's not to say I don't like visuals... in fact, I make my living off of them. But words... just 26 letters strung together and arranged in an almost infinite variety of ways... can do so much. I've always taken to heart the admonition of writer Paul Theroux, who said in his wonderful essay "The Cerebral Snapshot" that, "For a writer a picture is worth only a thousand or so words."

That being said, not all that is said or written is Shakespeare. True, if you've kept your eyes and ears open this past year, you would have seen and heard any number of comments on the big issues and stories of the day which made a meaningful impression. But there were many others that... thankfully...will likely be lost to history. Still, for entertainment value alone, they're worth noting. So as a coda to the final year of the first decade of the new century, it's probably worth revisiting some utterances that, in no particular order, made a minor splash in the past 12 months.

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." -- Model Kate Moss, asked if she had a personal motto.

"How can I kick myself? There are other people to be kicked." -- Martha Stewart, when asked about the insider-trading scandal at her firm..

"I owe 30% to genes, 30% to good sex, 30% because of a healthy lifestyle. For the remaining 10%, I have to thank my plastic surgeon." -- Jane Fonda on looking good at 71.

"I have trouble listening to what he says sometimes because of the blood that drips from his teeth while he's talking." -- Alan Grayson, Democratic Congressman from Florida, about former VP Dick Cheney.

"I don't know why she would have felt threatened." -- Serena Williams after her tirade at the US Open.

"I will take questions from the guys, but from the girls I want telephone numbers." -- Silvio Berlusconi, Italian prime minister, at a youth rally in Rome.

"We would have said: 'We'll take those three but probably lose the drummer.'" -- Simon Cowell on why the Beatles would have failed in on his show.

"You want me to tell you what my husband thinks? My husband is not Secretary of State. I am." -- Hillary Clinton at a press conference in Congo.

"I had to hold my nose and stop those firms from failing." -- Ben Bernanke explaining why he used taxpayer money to bail out firms like AIG.

"I have only two passions: space exploration and hip-hop." -- Astronaut Buzz Aldrin, 79, who is producing a single with rapper Snoop Dogg.

"A great pair of knickers should be taken off with more joy than they were put on." -- Model Elle Macpherson.

"He [Madoff] is going to be sentenced to 150 years. I hope he lives a long life." -- Richard Friedman, an accountant who lost more than $3 million.

"Daddy, the plane turned into a boat." -- Martin Sosa quoting his 4-year-old daughter's reaction on US Airways Flight 1549 ditching into the Hudson.

"Shakespeare has too many lines." -- James Bond star Daniel Craig on why he won't be do the classics.

"Stop wearing a suit and tie to bed." -- Former US Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney on his New Year's resolutions.

"I don't want to be alone. The aloneness is so alone. " -- Kate Gosselin of "Jon & Kate Plus 8" on her life as a single mom.

"The governor is hiking the Appalachian Trail." -- Spokesman for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford.

"You give me a water board, Dick Cheney and one hour, and I'll have him confess to the Sharon Tate murders." -- Jesse Ventura.

"I'm so sorry Anne, Meryl, Kristin – oh God, who's the other one?" -- Kate Winslet upon receiving a Golden Globe and forgetting co-nominee Angelina Jolie.

"Surfing is a very spiritual thing for me. It's like being directly in touch with God." -- Cameron Diaz.

"First of all I think it's important to realize that I was actually black before the election." -- Barack Obama on the "The Late Show with David Letterman." Letterman's comeback: "How long have you been a black man?"

"Susan Boyle could look really hot if she just wore some pretty dresses." -- Paris Hilton.


Marc Wollin of Bedford will be listening and reading in 2010. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review and The Scarsdale Inquirer.

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