By design, I know next to nothing about Jackie and wasn't supposed to ask. She lives 1700 miles away in Texas, we haven't met and likely never would. Our interactions started 3 months ago with a boilerplate exchange: a request from her for help on an essay, and a willingness from me to take a look.
The vehicle that connected us was an online site called UStrive. Aimed at high school seniors, it offers a virtual mentoring platform which pairs up students with adults willing to help them navigate the college admissions process. Students need merely to sign up; adults have to undergo a background check on their own dime to go into the pool. Students then shop through the available profiles. If they think they have a match, they send out a feeler and see if they get a response, which is how Jackie made my acquaintance.
To protect both parties, all interactions are supposed to be done through the site. It has its own chat and phone system, as well as the ability to swap documents. Jackie's first request was to edit an essay she wrote about leadership. In reading it I learned she was a student at a magnet school in Dallas which focused on young women. She wrote about her experience working with friends to create a documentary about teen pregnancy, a film which won a number of awards. I may have broken protocol, but I went online and watched it and read some local articles about it and her.
Like our own kid's essays for college, hers had good bones but needed some nips and tucks. I made some trims and sent it back, along with a suggestion to rewrite the last paragraph to be more in her voice. She quickly responded, and I touched that up as well. I sent it off, and assumed that would be the end of it.
Then a few weeks later came another request to look at another submission, one highlighting her life and educational goals. In this essay she talked about her father's furniture business, and how she sometimes accompanied him on deliveries. This took her to some upscale neighborhoods in Dallas. As she went in and out of grand homes she began to wonder why her neighborhood looked so different, and why it couldn't look better. That started her on her desire to be an architect, with the goal of learning how to make better looking low cost housing.
Like many young adults her age, she tried a little too hard with this one. It contained lots of big words that sounded inauthentic. I sent a note back to that effect, saying it would be more impactful if she simplified it and wrote from the heart rather than from a thesaurus. After I sent it I wondered if she might just ignore my comments as too much trouble. But several hours later a new draft hit my inbox, one that sounded more like her, filled with heart and passion and conviction. I polished that one and sent it back, and she agreed it was better.
A week or so later another request, this essay focusing on her community service activities. She described her work as a museum volunteer working with little kids. She talked about how their enthusiasm for learning helped to inspire her. Again, a few commas put in, a few taken out and some misplaced modifiers replaced. We volleyed some ideas back and forth to improve it. And by then she was no longer anonymous to me, but rather a smart, deserving, committed young woman.
Radio silence for a bit, then a final contact of a different type: "Hi, I received good news today. I earned a $6000 Texas State Fair Scholarship and a renewable $2000 scholarship for four years. But the best news is I was named a Terry Scholar for University of Texas at Arlington, giving me a full ride!"
It's been years since own kids got into school, but I felt like Jackie was my own daughter. I couldn't be prouder. From the picture I gleaned from her essays, this young woman deserves every accolade she earns. And I couldn't be more thrilled to be able to play a small part in her triumph, even if the only hug I can give her is a virtual one.
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford is happy to be a mentor, virtual or otherwise. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
The vehicle that connected us was an online site called UStrive. Aimed at high school seniors, it offers a virtual mentoring platform which pairs up students with adults willing to help them navigate the college admissions process. Students need merely to sign up; adults have to undergo a background check on their own dime to go into the pool. Students then shop through the available profiles. If they think they have a match, they send out a feeler and see if they get a response, which is how Jackie made my acquaintance.
To protect both parties, all interactions are supposed to be done through the site. It has its own chat and phone system, as well as the ability to swap documents. Jackie's first request was to edit an essay she wrote about leadership. In reading it I learned she was a student at a magnet school in Dallas which focused on young women. She wrote about her experience working with friends to create a documentary about teen pregnancy, a film which won a number of awards. I may have broken protocol, but I went online and watched it and read some local articles about it and her.
Like our own kid's essays for college, hers had good bones but needed some nips and tucks. I made some trims and sent it back, along with a suggestion to rewrite the last paragraph to be more in her voice. She quickly responded, and I touched that up as well. I sent it off, and assumed that would be the end of it.
Then a few weeks later came another request to look at another submission, one highlighting her life and educational goals. In this essay she talked about her father's furniture business, and how she sometimes accompanied him on deliveries. This took her to some upscale neighborhoods in Dallas. As she went in and out of grand homes she began to wonder why her neighborhood looked so different, and why it couldn't look better. That started her on her desire to be an architect, with the goal of learning how to make better looking low cost housing.
Like many young adults her age, she tried a little too hard with this one. It contained lots of big words that sounded inauthentic. I sent a note back to that effect, saying it would be more impactful if she simplified it and wrote from the heart rather than from a thesaurus. After I sent it I wondered if she might just ignore my comments as too much trouble. But several hours later a new draft hit my inbox, one that sounded more like her, filled with heart and passion and conviction. I polished that one and sent it back, and she agreed it was better.
A week or so later another request, this essay focusing on her community service activities. She described her work as a museum volunteer working with little kids. She talked about how their enthusiasm for learning helped to inspire her. Again, a few commas put in, a few taken out and some misplaced modifiers replaced. We volleyed some ideas back and forth to improve it. And by then she was no longer anonymous to me, but rather a smart, deserving, committed young woman.
Radio silence for a bit, then a final contact of a different type: "Hi, I received good news today. I earned a $6000 Texas State Fair Scholarship and a renewable $2000 scholarship for four years. But the best news is I was named a Terry Scholar for University of Texas at Arlington, giving me a full ride!"
It's been years since own kids got into school, but I felt like Jackie was my own daughter. I couldn't be prouder. From the picture I gleaned from her essays, this young woman deserves every accolade she earns. And I couldn't be more thrilled to be able to play a small part in her triumph, even if the only hug I can give her is a virtual one.
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford is happy to be a mentor, virtual or otherwise. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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