Saturday, June 22, 2019

On a Pedestal

Since Stan retired, Steve seemed to be the go-to-guy when we had problems with our heating system and called our oil company. But whereas Stan treated our boiler like an old mare that needed a gentle prod every now and again, Steve treated it like a kid that hadn't done its homework, grimacing and glaring at it with a disappointed air. It was the third or fourth time he had been to our house over the last year or two, each to repair a small problem that prevented us from getting warm. 

In the nearly 30 years we've been in our house we've replaced any number of appliances. In some cases it was because we upgraded stuff that worked fine as part of other projects, like a new refrigerator to go with our new kitchen. In others it was because the old workhorse had broken, and it seemed foolish to invest more money in an aging unit. In those instances we mostly looked to swap what we had for an updated yet equal match. But Steve convinced us that the boiler was a different case. 

This time it wasn't so much not working as not working cleanly. We were seeing a lot of soot, and finally came to the conclusion that it was coming from our heater. We had addressed the issue before, with Steve trying to fix the problem by adjusting the flame and taping the seams in the ductwork. But the problem persisted. And so once again we called the trouble line and asked for a specialist to come on by and take a look. And that's how Steve once again wound up standing in our basement shaking his head. 

While we had gotten a number or years of solid service from our system, and it still was making heat, it seemed like the only way to clean up the mess was to replace it. "They don't even make this model anymore," said Steve. "You'd be better served with upgrading your unit. The newer ones are more efficient, better made, with computerized programs and systems. And if you add in a Riello burner, made in Italy, it will fire quicker and cleaner. It's what I have." That sealed the deal. If it was good enough for Steve, and all that.

And so we said yes. We negotiated the finer points of the sale and set a time. On the appointed day, Billy, one of the other regular guys arrived first. While he drained the system and prepped for our boilerectamy, he waxed poetic about our new system. "Great technology," he said. You're gonna be a lot better off with this new Burnham and the Rielleo. Best combo out there." From his telling it was the Apple Watch of boilers.

And indeed when they uncrated it looked not like our old Bessie, but like a computer. It had a blinking control panel and curved sides wrapped in powder coated steel painted a deep shade of blue-green. When coupled with the Italian burner it more resembled an industrial scale cappuccino maker than a boiler. I almost felt bad that we were relegating it to the back of a room in the basement.

But then a reminder of what it was and where we were. As they wrestled the new unit into the proper spot they kicked a couple of old cinderblocks into place first, then hoisted it up on those. Why, I asked, did they not just let it sit on the floor when it had feet of its own? "It's better to have it up a bit. That way it will still keep working even if you have a flood." For all its design and efficient operation, exotic heritage and hi tech features, it was still a boiler in a basement. And the only pedestal it was on was a couple of old fashioned bricks to keep it out of trouble.

It's probably too much to draw anything from this. But I couldn't help but notice that this most high tech piece of equipment was being protected by the most low tech solution that could be employed. A larger lesson? Is this a parable for a new age? Is low tech the gate keeper to high? Perhaps not: to paraphrase something Freud never actually said, sometimes a brick is just a brick.

-END-

Marc Wollin of Bedford often has strange thoughts. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.


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