Aerial Exorcism

It happens without fail. Every year, when the weather turns warm, there is someplace around our house where a colony of ants suddenly materializes. When it does, we call Mike. He swoops in (well, drives over in his not-so-new Subaru) and sprays whatever industrial strength stuff he has to shut down the parade of bugs before it gets too far. Knowing that this one appearance is usually a precursor to other eruptions yet to happen, he doesn't stop there: he goes over our entire place to try get ahead of any other outbreaks. He then departs, leaving us with a hopefully more bug-free abode.

And so it is with Monsignor Rubén Dario Jaramillo Montoya. Montoya is the Catholic bishop in Buenaventura, Colombia, a city of about 400,000 people that is that country's busiest port. He too has a problem with infestations, though his are much more serious than a bunch of bugs crawling into his basement. While the city has been trying to promote itself as a tourist destination with a new website, articles over the last few years point to its more well-known reputation as the violent center of the country's drug wars, with such headings such as "A Destination for the Intrepid," "Beaches and Bodies" and "Butchery in Buenaventura - Colombia's Most Violent City."

To be fair progress has been made. In 2014 Colombian president Juan Manuel Santos sent troops to stabilize the city, and the murder rate is now down below the national average. And there are more public signs of progress, such as becoming a member of the UNESCO Creative Cities Network, as well as restaurants, parks and AirBNB's taking root. Still, it can be a dangerous place outside the center of town, where "disappearances" happen too regularly and gangs hold sway. 

And that's what led Bishop Montoya to attempt a, well, Hail Mary pass. Rather than try and minister to the bad guys one at a time, seeking to use the power of prayer to right their evil ways, he took to the air this past week to try and disinfect the whole place in one fell swoop. With the assistance of a helicopter provided by the Colombian Navy, he performed an exorcism on the city by sprinkling holy water on it from the air. "We want to go around the whole of Buenaventura from the air and pour holy water onto it, to see if we exorcise all those demons that are destroying our port," he told a local radio station. "So that God's blessing comes and gets rid of all the wickedness that is in our streets."

While exorcism is usually associated with individuals, for over a century the church has permitted it to be used en masse in certain circumstances. Explanatory materials from Catholic theologians say that when the "action of the Devil is suspected, spiritually or physically harming someone, causing violent temptations, storms or other calamities," the prayer can be used against so called cases of "demonic infestation." That led Pope Leo XIII back in 1890 to add it as "Exorcism Against Satan and the Fallen Angels" for this very specific situation (except for the helicopter). 

In an interesting bit of serendipity, a slightly more secular application was just used on these shores as well. Following a contentious session in the House of Representatives related to the resolution condemning the President's remarks as racist, House chaplain the Rev. Patrick J. Conroy started the session the day after the vote with the following invocation: "This has been a difficult and contentious week in which darker spirits seem to have been at play in the people's house. In your most holy name, I now cast out all spirits of darkness from this chamber, spirits not from you." Twitter, cast thee out!

Last year the Vatican convened a meeting on demonic possession, which they say seems to be on the rise. In that light, much as communication in general has gone from individual to a more public approach with social media, perhaps this method of dealing with the devil might have wider distribution and hence results. After all, you get far better outcomes by complaining via tweet vs writing an letter. Put another way, you can certainly unsubscribe by dropping a note to Lucifer@666.com, but you'll get more likes with #BeGone.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is always looking for better ways to communicate. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Non-Inverted Eric

Even if you don't know anything about philately, you might have heard of an "Inverted Jenny." This 1918 issue of a 24 cent postage stamp features a blue engraving of a Curtiss JN-4 airplane printed upside down in the center of a red field. That error has led to it being one of the most valuable collectibles in the world of stamp collecting, with a worth far exceeding its face value. While prices have seesawed over the last dozen or so years, the last time one changed hands at an auction in 2016 the hammer came down on a winning bid for a single pristine example of $1,175,000. 

While it doesn't bear the error of being wrong side up, there may be a new contender for the throne, this time in the world of numismatics or coin collecting. After all, one of the reasons that the Jenny is so valuable is that in addition to the compositional mistake in its printing, there were just 100 created before they stopped the presses. By that measure this new item in question is very rare indeed. Minted by Littleton Coin, a creator of collectible coins and paper money, it's part of their newest series, Presidential Candidate Coins.

In this latest entry in the world of "things someone thinks are valuable but most do not," Littleton offers 25 different coins, one for each of the Republican and Democratic candidates running for president in 2020. The coins are built on a base of a Kennedy Half Dollar, and the back remains untouched. The front, however, has a full cover overlay bonded to it. For each declared candidate there is a smiling photo of the individual floating on a US flag background surrounded by a field of blue (for the Dems) or red (for the GOP).

If you are a fan of any of the declared candidates, there's a coin for you: a smiling Elisabeth Warren or Pete Buttigieg or Amy Klobuchar. Not to be left out on the right, there's a Donald Trump coin as well as William Weld version. And if you are not sure who to back at this point you can buy a handful: they are just $9.95 each, and the site features flat rate shipping of $6.95 regardless of the number of pieces ordered.

But just as the Democratic party is having issues juggling the nearly 2 dozen contenders for debates, so too is Littleton not completely on top of the current goings-on. If you're following the news, you might have seen man overboard from the good ship Democratic Nominee. Representative Eric Swalwell became the first to drop out of the race to be the party's standard bearer against President Trump. Who dropped out? Well, yes, that's pretty much the point.

None the less, from April 8 to July 8, the exact length of the warranty on your Amazon Fire Tablet, Swalwell was right up there with all the other big girls and boys. As part of that effort, his campaign likely printed hundreds if not thousands of flyers and posters and bumper sticker to distribute as he crisscrossed the country trying to drum up interest. But as for the coin? Littleton doesn't disclose sales figures for individual products, but it's a fair bet that other than the candidate and his mother there were not a lot of orders. And once Littleton gets a chance to catch up on the news, the coin will likely be withdrawn from being offered.

Hence the Non-Inverted Eric.

On the basis of rarity, the Eric Swalwell Democratic Nominee Commemorative Coin is likely right up there with "Amazing Spider-Man Volume #1," Bigfoot sightings and bipartisan legislation. Admittedly, however, while rare and valuable can be related, they are not necessarily correlated. There may not be a whole lot of "Paul Tsongas for President 1992" buttons out there, but scarcity hasn't driven up the price. you can find one online for just two bucks.

Still, it might be worth snapping one of these and putting it in the back of your closet. Twenty years down the line, when someone looks to build the complete set of 2020 candidate memorabilia, there will likely be plenty of Bidens and Bookers and Gillibrands. But if you've got a 2020 Swalwell? We might be talking Jenny valuations.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford had a coin collection when he was a kid, but he finally spent it. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

True Slang

Every walk of life has its own slang, near and dear to the hearts of those in the group that use it. For those in the know, it can make you feel part of the gang, one of the cool kids. But what happens when slang gets confused with, well, not slang? When what you think is an "in" term for something turns out to be understood that way by only half the parties involved? As they say in the theater, hijinks can abound. 

For me, that lighting struck three times in recent weeks. 

In the first instance I was working on a project where an audience of about 150 people were listening to a guest speaker. The head of the company sponsoring the program was sitting in the front row. The plan was that when the guy on stage finished, the CEO would pop up, thank him and send the crowd to lunch. As such I had a tech stationed near the front with a microphone for when needed. 

As the speaker droned on I looked away for a few moments to check on something else. Then I heard him wrap up and applause begin. I looked up to see the CEO heading the stage, looking for the mic. Where was my guy? He had been there moments ago. Suddenly he raced over breathlessly and handed over the mic. "Where were you?" I asked him over the intercom. "Putting out a fire," he replied. That normally means dealing with an unforeseen problem. But what could have been so important? I asked again and got the same reply: "I was putting out a fire." Starting to get annoyed, I asked a third time, to which he responded "I WAS PUTTING OUT A FIRE. LOOK IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM!" I turned around to see smoke. Seems the Sterno under the coffee pot at the back had spilled and the tablecloth had gone up in flames. He was, well, putting out an actual fire. 

Then a week or so later as we were setting up a show in a theater. The lead sound guy was walking up the steps, following the path of his snake. Sort of slang, a snake is a bundle of cables bound together as opposed to running individual ones, a very common piece of equipment in the audio department. He took a step, then suddenly screamed and jumped away. We all looked up, as he yelled "Snake!" Puzzling. Yes, he was walking along his snake,. Again he yelled "Snake!" I said "Yeah? Your snake is right there." "NO!" he yelled. "THERE'S A SNAKE!" We all ran over to see a 4 foot black snake that had somehow crawled in an open door and was making its way up the cables. And because it was an audio guy that yelled it, none of us thought it was him talking about anything other than his gear. 

And it was but a week later that I received an email from a client answering a bunch of questions about an upcoming show. Yes, we would need a teleprompter, yes, would need a transcript of the program, and yes, we would need a doghouse. In our world, the last refers to a monitor placed low in front of the speakers so they can see any visuals being displayed. We enclose it to make it less visible, hence the name. Moments later came another email from the person responsible for the set. "Do we know what breed dog Mark has? In searching images on Google, we see a Labrador, but it looks dated. We want to be sure we have the right sized house." Now, our speaker Mark was indeed blind, so it was possible he had a dog, and it needed a place to stay. I quickly called the client to see if this was the case. No I was told, why do you ask? "Read the last email," I said. It took a minute until she pulled it up and starting howling. She hung up and called the set folks, and assured them no animals would be harmed nor housed on this particular show. 

Can happen anywhere, anytime. Is flossing something you do to your teeth or a dance step? Is a GOAT a loser of the Greatest Of All Time? Bae? Woke? If none of this makes any sense, well, Bye Felicia.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford loves language, proper and otherwise. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Entitled

Agnes Callamard is an expert on international and human rights with degrees from universities on three continents. But it's not her title as the Director of the Global Freedom of Expression Project at Columbia University that gives one pause, nor her additional moniker as Special Advisor to the President of the school, though each is impressive on its face. No, the title she has that knocks you over is the one she wields as the lead author of reports such as her most recent one for the UN on the Khashoggi murder: Special Rapporteur for Extrajudicial, Summary or Arbitrary Executions. 

In a world of ID's, that one sure makes a business card come alive. But it doesn't take such a high profile job to have a title that that raises eyebrows. A recent article in the New York Times about the difficulty of telling apart hens from roosters when they are just chicks talked about the highly skilled professionals who make that call. After all, the egg industry relies on knowing which is which, something not obvious with hatchlings when they emerge from the shell. To do so requires those trained in the ability to distinguish a minute bump on a specific membrane in the baby fluffballs. And so don't even think of applying for the job if your card doesn't say Experienced Chicken Sexer. 

For most of us the subhead under our names is likely far more pedestrian. Our functional titles relate to what we do and is likely straightforward, no different than a plumber or an electrician or a mechanic. To be clear, there is no shame in calling yourself an Analyst or Researcher or Assistant. Just don't expect a lot of people to want to chat you up at cocktail parties. 

But it doesn't have to be that way. Just as with company and product names, you might take a title that will make others sit up and take notice, or at least give them pause as they try and figure out what you actually do. At the simplest that means swapping out Human Resources Professional for People Officer. You still have the same office, same responsibilities, same cafeteria access. But while the first sounds like it's from the era of "Mad Men," the later seems more like it's part of a company that spells its name with no vowels. 

Lots of examples abound. Sure, there are those list themselves as Software Developer or Website Director or Chief Writer. But others have made the upgrade, and have transitioned to Design Ninja or Digital Overlord or Director of Storytelling. The responsibilities of the later are the same as the former. But the second set of names invokes a sense of the future with a tongue-in-cheek sensibility that says we are really into what we do and we like doing it. In that same vein one company calls the receptionist who greets people as they step off the elevator the Director of First Impressions. And they're not wrong. 

So what should you call yourself? It comes down to figuring out what you do, and how best to present that. In my own case, as a person who is self-employed, chief among my responsibilities is working on projects and getting new ones. But I also pay vendors and balance the coming-ins and the going-outs to make sure all is in harmony, or at least close to it. I do file management on older project materials, and tech maintenance to keep all my gear updated. I glance through articles online about new techniques, as well as order office supplies from Amazon. And although not as often as I should, I straighten up around my office and empty the shredder. If you're keeping score, that makes me Head of Operations, Chief of Sales, Head Bookkeeper, Archive Director, Head of IT, Chief Strategy Officer, Procurement Officer, and Head Janitor. Too much for any one card. 

But all of those are trying to make a silk title from a sow's job. I need to find another pursuit which will bestow upon me better nomenclature. I should follow the example of my wife's friend Betsy. While she may be an Athletic Coach, that's not the title I admire. It's the one she has as part of a sideline interest, one which elevates her to a person you just need to know: Connecticut Pickleball Ambassador.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford wears many hats, some better than others. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.