As we got close to show time, I gave the crew the usual warning that it would be their last chance for a bathroom break for a while. Unlike audience members who can get up and leave at any point, those of us responsible to make live shows happen don't have that luxury. From the time the action starts on stage until it takes a breather, we are obligated not to leave our positions. As such, a reminder to all of an available window to take a "bio break" is a standard courtesy for those who toil backstage.
Also standard is an acknowledgement on the party line intercom system that one is indeed taking advantage of the opportunity. This is so all know that for that brief period of time that you are not available to operate your particular station, be it lights or sound or whatever. It may seem strange that a bunch of adults announces to each other that they are going to the bathroom like a group of toddlers, but it is an action born of necessity, and is part of the usual rituals of the job.
Usually the report is simple: "Audio off" or "Lights walking away." Likewise, when a person returns, they announce that fact as well: "Video back" or "Switch here." Nothing more is required. But crews are like large families, and the more you work with each other the more you take liberties with routine comments. So it was hardly surprising when Patrick came back on headset and announced "Tape went and back," and then added a postscript: "But I didn't go for everyone."
Of course, that begged the question: why not? And so a discussion was started: wouldn't that be a great superpower to have? After all, being able to be invisible, or to turn water into ice, or to teleport across a room is all well and good. But what superpowers would be really useful in the lives we now lead? If Patrick could indeed save poor folks from the need to stop what they were doing and go to the necessary room, Rest Room Man would truly be hailed as a savior. But he needed a better name: the consensus choice was Captain Pee Pee.
It's not like there aren't other established superheroes with talents of questionable use. In "Legion of Super Heroes" there's a guy named Bouncing Boy. He can inflate himself to a giant beach ball shape, which enables him to, well, bounce. Not sure how that would take a bad guy out. X-Force's Gin Genie is able to generate seismic waves, a powerful weapon. Unfortunately the strength of the waves is equal to her blood alcohol level. So the only way she can use her powers is to be drunk, in which case she has no control over them, in which case she mows down her buddies as often as the villains. And then there's Stone Boy. As the name implies, he can turn himself into stone. But that's it. Turns. To. Stone. Unless there's a massive slab about to swing shut on humanity and he makes himself into a doorstop, it's a power of questionable utility.
So back to Patrick. We decided his rest room powers would be up there with Garbage Girl, able to remember that it's garbage day, with powers to race around the house collecting refuse that morning and still get the cans to the curb before the truck arrives. Or Company Coming Guy, who, when the phones rings to say that someone is dropping by, could dust and pick up super fast before the doorbell rings. Or Laundry Lady, who could sort whites and colors in a flash, and boost the spin cycle to supersonic speeds to get it all done before you leave for work.
Thankfully the time came for our session to start and we left our diversion behind. We spent the next 90 minutes focusing on the sound, lights and visuals that made for an effective presentation. Some Q&A with the crowd, and we wrapped another session showcasing the latest in marketing credit cards or drugs or something. It was time for a break, but some of us couldn't leave, as we had to rehearse the next session. If only the Captain were there to save us.
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford would be known as Nap Man. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
Also standard is an acknowledgement on the party line intercom system that one is indeed taking advantage of the opportunity. This is so all know that for that brief period of time that you are not available to operate your particular station, be it lights or sound or whatever. It may seem strange that a bunch of adults announces to each other that they are going to the bathroom like a group of toddlers, but it is an action born of necessity, and is part of the usual rituals of the job.
Usually the report is simple: "Audio off" or "Lights walking away." Likewise, when a person returns, they announce that fact as well: "Video back" or "Switch here." Nothing more is required. But crews are like large families, and the more you work with each other the more you take liberties with routine comments. So it was hardly surprising when Patrick came back on headset and announced "Tape went and back," and then added a postscript: "But I didn't go for everyone."
Of course, that begged the question: why not? And so a discussion was started: wouldn't that be a great superpower to have? After all, being able to be invisible, or to turn water into ice, or to teleport across a room is all well and good. But what superpowers would be really useful in the lives we now lead? If Patrick could indeed save poor folks from the need to stop what they were doing and go to the necessary room, Rest Room Man would truly be hailed as a savior. But he needed a better name: the consensus choice was Captain Pee Pee.
It's not like there aren't other established superheroes with talents of questionable use. In "Legion of Super Heroes" there's a guy named Bouncing Boy. He can inflate himself to a giant beach ball shape, which enables him to, well, bounce. Not sure how that would take a bad guy out. X-Force's Gin Genie is able to generate seismic waves, a powerful weapon. Unfortunately the strength of the waves is equal to her blood alcohol level. So the only way she can use her powers is to be drunk, in which case she has no control over them, in which case she mows down her buddies as often as the villains. And then there's Stone Boy. As the name implies, he can turn himself into stone. But that's it. Turns. To. Stone. Unless there's a massive slab about to swing shut on humanity and he makes himself into a doorstop, it's a power of questionable utility.
So back to Patrick. We decided his rest room powers would be up there with Garbage Girl, able to remember that it's garbage day, with powers to race around the house collecting refuse that morning and still get the cans to the curb before the truck arrives. Or Company Coming Guy, who, when the phones rings to say that someone is dropping by, could dust and pick up super fast before the doorbell rings. Or Laundry Lady, who could sort whites and colors in a flash, and boost the spin cycle to supersonic speeds to get it all done before you leave for work.
Thankfully the time came for our session to start and we left our diversion behind. We spent the next 90 minutes focusing on the sound, lights and visuals that made for an effective presentation. Some Q&A with the crowd, and we wrapped another session showcasing the latest in marketing credit cards or drugs or something. It was time for a break, but some of us couldn't leave, as we had to rehearse the next session. If only the Captain were there to save us.
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford would be known as Nap Man. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
No comments:
Post a Comment