Green (Screen) Is The New Black

In the discussion about our current predicament, while the experts disagree on many details, there seems to be unanimity on one specific and indeed troubling point. As Richard Preston, author of "The Hot Zone," a best seller about the Ebola crisis put it, "We hear some people saying, 'Well this is a once-in-a-100-year event.' It is absolutely not. These really devastating outbreaks of new viruses have been happening more frequently and ballooning faster. It is part of a pattern, and the story, by no means, has ended." 

If the consensus of those in the know is that pandemics are inevitable and increasing in frequency, what do we do about it? There are debates about preparedness and open borders and wet markets, all of which are important topics. But what about you? What can you do in your own personal world? Things that didn't seem relevant just a month ago now have you looking at your home and immediate environment in a whole new light. After all, if the current situation has taught us anything, it's that we don't have enough sweatpants, zoom-worthy backgrounds, or big enough pantries. Put another way, if you're redecorating for the coming apocalypse, what is the best color? 

Let's start with your kitchen. Whether your family is 2 or 5, you probably had a rhythm and flow that worked. But that was based on a schedule which had a full house only at dinner, and maybe even then just a few times a week. Now that you've had a totally different scenario come to fruition where it's filled all time, how would you change it? Bigger refrigerator? More stools and chairs? Less room for dishes and more for snacks? That coat closet filled with multiple winter coats now seems like so much wasted space when you have no place to put that case of chickpeas.

As our household shrunk over the past number of years, we streamlined our furnishings to be more accommodating of occasional guests as opposed to full time residents. But now that we've gone from empty nesters to running an Airbnb/WeWork, having more than just a pullout sofa is helpful. And so we dug out of the basement the numerous Ikea legs, trestles and tabletops we had acquired, and often thought of dumping. That enables our re-expanded family to each have their own work space vs. sitting on the bed. And we have changed our minds about giving away old furniture. 

When just talking on the phone was the state-of-the-art, you could do it from anywhere: bedroom, living room, breakfast table, didn't matter. But with the world moving to Zoom and other video-based siblings like Skype and WebEx, suddenly where you call from has become a factor. Surely you've seen people sitting in front of unmade beds, distracting paintings and book shelves where the titles are more interesting than the people. So what are the new rules? Talking with family? Then at the kitchen table with the fridge in the background is fine. Chatting with some old friends? Then a nice looking background showing off your home makes sense. Business call? Something neutral and non-distracting works. And if you want one of those beautiful scenics, a blank wall is best. Green (screen) is the new black. 

Even walking outside, whether with family or with an appropriately socially distant friend has implications. It's not the walk pers se, but rather the fact that you do the same route again and again and again. Admittedly doing your neighborhood at strolling speed rather than driving offers new opportunities to note landscaping, updated paint jobs and ornamental tchotchkes. But wouldn't real art be nice as well? On one of our favorite routes, one which we used to walk ever week or so but now have journeyed on almost daily, the side of a barn sports a multicolor panel with drippy markings, a composition than never fails to bring smile to my face. No, it's not a Picasso, but in this environment it's almost as good, and more importantly, it's accessible. 

None of this would have merited a mention six weeks ago. Now it seems like necessary renovations for a new world. And if this sheltering at home is going to turn out to be a regular thing, a full size freezer and a quiet closet with a green wall doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is trying to adapt to what he's got. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Welcome to MOOT!

Welcome! We're thrilled you've taken time out of your busy day to visit us here at the Museum of Obsolete Technology, what we affectionately call MOOT. Our tour will be starting in just a few moments, but as we wait for the last few folks to join us, a little history.

Yes, I know it looks like the back of my office. But as it got cleaned out in the midst of a stay-at-home order, a bevy of historical artifacts emerged. Most were relegated to the back corners not because they were broken, but because they had been superseded by newer equipment. And in fact, when dusted off and plugged in, most fired up almost immediately, providing a fascinating glimpse into what was the leading edge of hi tech at the time. Of course, today almost all of these items, originally bought at top dollar, have been reduced to an app on your phone. But it helps to remember from where it all came. 

OK, let's begin. As we move past the bookshelf you will see our first display. Called "Hold Still and Smile!" this showcases some of the various photographic tools used over the past 20 years. First are several "Point and Shoot" cameras. Interesting fact: unlike today, when you just snap a shot and upload it to the world, taking a picture used to mean using these cameras and "film" to record the image, then sending that out to a laboratory to be "developed," a process which could take a week. Yes, it was as laborious as it sounds! Next we see a Single Lens Reflex, or SLR camera. While the "Point and Shoot" cameras were designed to take quick snapshots, serious photographers used SLR's with their customizable controls and interchangeable lenses to create better images. Note the size - hardly fits in your pocket - and yes, they weighed a lot! Finally we have a Polaroid Instant Camera, a device which took a 4" square picture, which it spit it out into your hand to develop in 60 seconds. Magic! 

Our next exhibit, called "Playback," spotlights some of the various ways we used to watch video programs. Today of course we just punch up Netflix or YouTube and select from almost any program in existence. It wasn't always that way. Most homes used to have this first large box, called a VHS deck. This used "tape," which was a roll of magnetic recording material which could record and playback video programs. You could also buy or rent prerecorded tapes of popular movies to watch. Eventually, VHS tapes gave way to the next machine, a DVD player. Like VHS, you could buy or rent prerecorded DVD's with programs on them, and even record your own. Few people were able to program these machines, however, with the result that the clocks on the front usually just flashed 12:00PM forever. 

Those were both for the home market. Professionals had an almost infinite variety of machines and formats available to them, all designed to provide higher quality. And so in "Roll Tape" you will see just a sample of the machines and tapes used. That first behemoth is a ¾" UMatic machine, so called because that was the width of the tape. Next to that are tapes for machines for BetaSP, DVCAM., Mini DV, Hi8, along with several variations of each. Like Apple and Android, though they all did the same thing, each was thought to be a better idea, and no, none were compatible with any other. 

Those? Yes, I know they look like phones, but they're not. Called "Can I Have Your Number?" that exhibit features electronic address books. They replaced paper and pencil notebooks, and came in a variety of styles. There you see a Palm Pilot, a Visor, a Treo and a Zaurus. Each could record names, addresses and phone numbers, and some even had calendars built in as well. But you had to use a phone with a wire connected to make a call - no calling from your car! 

Our next exhibit is called "Bigger than Your Pocket." Here we see the evolution of the what is now your Smartphone. First is a Kaypro Portable Computer. So called because it had a handle, it was the size of small suitcase and weighed just as much. Note its build-in 6" green-only screen, its detachable keyboard, and its two 8" "floppy disk drives," one for the "program," what we now call an app, the other for the content, in this case about 5 documents per disk. Next we see a "desktop" machine. While it is about the same size as the Kaypro, you had to add a screen, a keyboard and a mouse in order make it work. Faster and more powerful, it had a "disk drive" which functioned like a today's flash drives, but with a fraction of the capacity. These machines also took several minutes to start up: users back then had to have a lot of patience! 

That's about all the time we have. If you are not in a rush, I highly recommend a side trip to the Annex, which is located in the storeroom under the stairs in the basement, for our exhibit called "Turn It Up!" It features various ways we used to listen to music, including amplifiers and giant speakers. You'll see different ways of recording and playing back music using magnetic tape on giant open reels, as well as a miniature version you could carry with you called a "cassette." I don't want to give away all the surprises, but it also features a display showing how music was coded onto large plastic disks which were read by placing them on a "turntable" and putting a "needle" on them. It's mind boggling! 

As you exit, don't forgot stop in the gift shop and get your free souvenir, a blank DVD. They are on the spindles by the door, and make great coasters. Thanks for visiting us here at MOOT, the Museum of Obsolete Technology!

Oh, and please close the door on your way out.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford had lots of stuff stashed away. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Phase Four

They fight. They bicker. They accuse each other of lying, cheating and dirty double crossing. And while that certainly describes your kids, it also describes the usual state of Congress. It's hard to pinpoint the exact time that it went from being the world's greatest deliberative body, a place where Tip O'Neil was golfing buddies with Gerald Ford, to a tribal society and a barely functioning branch of government. 

Except recently. Responding to a situation without precedent, both sides came together to pass legislation, this time a massive injection of capital into an economy that had its doors blown off. A process that usually takes months of back and forth, filled with recriminations, bluster, demands, delays, maneuvers and accusations, took under a week, though still with the requisite recriminations, bluster, demands, delays, maneuvers and accusations. Neither side got all that it wanted, nor was able to strip out all that it didn't. But in the immortal words of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to his own conference, all legislators felt that they had no choice but to "gag and vote for it anyway." 

Even with all that is in the CARES Act, no one expects it to be the last word. With such massive disruption and damage, Congress will be formulating more legislation to help. Some will likely be broad based, aimed at every part of society, while others will be highly targeted, seeking to alleviate specific issues. Word is that conference staffers are busy hammering out the fine print on the following legislation. 

The Toilet Paper for All Act (TPAA). 
Aimed at insuring there are enough supplies of this vital natural resource, this Act will mandate that all essential and appropriate stores maintain a supply of toilet paper "sufficient for every shopper to get an 8-pack once every 2 weeks." It will establish a national frequent shopper card which will be able to be "marked, punched or otherwise electrically registered" to show participation. Further, the Act will also establish penalties for those who are discovered hoarding, in the form of confiscation and substitution with old copies of newspaper sales circulars.

Tom Hanks' Law. 
Named for the famed actor, the first major celebrity to test positive for COVID19, and coincidentally star of a movie in which a man survives in isolation for four years ("Castaway") AND one in which is forced to live in the same space for months ("The Terminal"). The bill gives a Netflix credit to every American household equal to the cost of renting 2 "positive" movies from the Hanks catalog. A Congressional commission will be established to provide recommendations beyond "Toy Story" and "Big."

National Walk to Energy Power Initiative ("WE" Power). 
Funding for a Department of Energy program that originated at Stamford University, this program was in its infancy before this year. It focused on the development of a small clip-on rechargeable battery that people could attach to their shoe when walking, the act of which would recharge the battery. Upon returning home, people would remove the battery and fit it into a device which would upload that power to the national grid, repeating the process on their next walk. With so many people out strolling because they have nothing else to do, what had been a pilot program now has the potential to outpace all other energy sources combined. 

The Share with Your Sister Act ("Phoebe's Law"). 
The Act directs the Secretary of the Treasury to immediately send to every parent with more than two children under the age of 10 an amount equal to the total allowance of all children in a given household. The intent is to alleviate issues wherein children are forced to share scarce resources such as iPad chargers and Nintendo controllers by giving parents the funds to create incentives for siblings to "play nice." The Act further sets up an online arbitration panel to be staffed by trained hostage negotiators which will be available 24/7 to expeditiously adjudicate "did/did not" issues, and award damages to be paid by the parents from the fund. 

National Strategic Stockpile of Rice and Beans ("R&B for All" Act).
This reservoir of critical food stuffs would be created by filling the Grand Canyon with rice, while Zion would be designated for beans. Proposed headquarters would be Detroit; R&D would take place in Hot Springs, Arkansas.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford wonders why all legislation can't be done in a week. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Random Notes from the Bunker

As we all adjust to our new existence, every day brings new revelations and experiences about our world. Sure, there's the big stuff you get 24/7 online, on TV and via conversations with friends which seem to have only one topic. However there're a multitude of smaller things that also make an impression. I'm sure some have struck you; following are some those that have made a mark on me. 

My wife and I have always been walkers. Almost daily for years she would routinely go out every day alone or with friends, me as often as my schedule would permit. On a walk together on a typical day, we might pass one, maybe two people at most. Now when we go out it's as if half our neighborhood is out for a stroll. We see people we haven't seen in years, adult children we last saw at 8-year old birthday parties and a fair number of strangers we don't know but who turn out to live just down the street. 

While there are new ways of working, there seems to be an all or nothing level of engagement. Some people can't seem to work more or harder: healthcare workers to be sure, but also delivery people, those tending to our new online existence, and those working at grocery stores and pharmacies. Meanwhile, others have ground to a halt: restaurants, retail and entertainment to name a few. We see it in our own house: one of our sons works in the field of global health, and couldn't be busier, while my world of live events is in suspended animation. 

A drive to the city to pick up the aforementioned child was an Orwellian experience. A rush hour trip on a weekday night took the shortest time ever to traverse some of the busiest highways and bridges in the region. In addition to there being no cars on the road nor people walking next to it, every highway sign flashed a Big Brother-esque message of "Stay Home! Save Lives"" or the more pithy "#stopthespread." 

People are still getting married, though adjustments are being made. There are stay at home weddings, with the couple and officiant being the only ones in the room. The society columns still cover the events, though each announcement carries a disclaimer, as if without that one would think they were violating current protocol, to wit: "The couple had originally planned to wed at the Champagne Powder Room before the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommended that events with 50 or more be postponed." 

A trip to the grocery store has a whole new set of routines: restricted entrance, disinfecting the cart, the suspension of the reusable bag edict as well as the ability to recycle, plastic shields between checkout people and customers as if you were in a bank. There's also a rearranging of priorities: formerly, at one store, the small stuff that was easily shopliftable, such as batteries and razor blades, was kept behind the register at the courtesy counter. That has all been moved out front and put in easy reach so that fewer hands have to be involved. And that vacant and more secure space behind the counter is now occupied by what is really of value, packages of toilet paper. 

My 89-year old mother has an apartment in an adult community, one which thrives on social interaction. She is fine, though isolated, as we can no longer visit and she can no longer roam the halls to go to the in-house lunchroom, library and other activities. They deliver food to her, and she has things to read and watch to keep her occupied. But short of calls, she is cut off. But the other day, there was a knock on the door. As it wasn't mealtime, she was confused. She opened her door to find a small flowering plant outside her door, with a note saying it was from the staff. A little taste of spring to a vulnerable population who have seen a lot, but never seen this. 

Of course, there's more: seeing your neighborhood at walk speed vs a drive by. Cleaning out shelves and drawers to find old pieces of your life. "Zoomtail" hour with friends. As Alice said to the Queen of Hearts, "What a strange world we live in."

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is trying to take it all in. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.