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 There seem to be just two topics of conversation: the election and the pandemic. One will drive you to scream, the other will drive you to hide: you decide which is which. And talking about them together, which inevitably happens, leads you to want to both scream and hide. So if we're going to make it through these two challenges with our brains nimble but not fried, we have to find other things to discuss. We need topics which are engaging, which engender lively debate, but which don't leave you thinking that those who disagree with you are stupid or crazy. It's a low bar, but that's the state of play.  

So let's talk food.

We'll start with an easy one: are Pop Tarts a type of ravioli? The last several years have seen numerous online discussions about this. After all, the reasoning goes, it's an outer layer of dough encompassing a filling. But there are many examples of encased foods around the world which would qualify under that definition, and there is no confusion with them: empanadas and dumplings come to mind. So most would say that while it might be analogous to a hand pie, a tart made of dough with a sweet or savory inside, toaster pastries are not a threat to the Italian specialty.

OK, next: what do you call the end of a loaf of bread? That would be the first or last piece, the one that has one side of inside, the other of crust. It seems to depend from whence you came. Some, taking their cue from the animal world, call it the Butt or Rump. Scots have been known to call it the Knobby, while some Czechs call it "Patka" which roughly translates as Flap or Strap. However, most call it the Heel, while the next most popular is the eponymous End.

Should chili have beans? Now we're getting into some more contentious territory. The easiest dividing line is geographic: if you're from Texas, the answer is definitely "no," while anywhere else it's "maybe." According to the International Chili Society, "traditional red chili is any kind of meat, or combination of meats, cooked with red chili peppers, various spices and other ingredients. Beans and non-vegetable fillers such as rice and pasta are not allowed." It's worth pointing out that the ICS is based in the Lone Star State, and, in a bow to the wide world, does have other categories such as "homestyle" which includes "any kind of meat, or combination of meats, and/or vegetables cooked with beans, chili peppers, various spices and other ingredients."

Is deep-dish a pizza or casserole? Pizza is a subject which provokes impassioned opinions, and this particular piece of turf is perilous territory indeed: comedian Jon Stewart was pilloried after he called deep-dish "tomato soup in a bread bowl." Is dough with toppings enough of a descriptor, or is being flat also a criteria? Like Texans and their chili, this is a debate that perhaps only Chicagoans are truly dogmatic about.

Should boneless chicken wings be renamed? This got a lot of press recently when a man in in Lincoln, Nebraska asked the local city council to pass an ordinance requiring the relabel: "Nothing about boneless chicken wings actually comes from the wing of a chicken. We've been living a lie for far too long." Ander Christensen's impassioned plea garnered 5 million views on Twitter, showing just how deep sentiment runs on this topic.

Are burgers sandwiches? Meals, yes. But a relative of PB&J or a Club? Well, if you go by the letter of the law, the answer is "yes." Webster's defines sandwiches as "two or more slices of bread or a split roll having a filling in between." That said, when was the last time you offered someone a hamburger sandwich? So perhaps the law has to be obeyed more in spirit than in substance.

How do you pronounce "caramel?" While there's no disagreement on how to make it (melt sugar and stir until it turns brown), how to ask for it is a different story. Again, it generally depends from where you hail. In the west it's two syllables (CAR mul), while Southerners and East Coasters make it three (CARE uh MEL). 

Does pineapple belong on pizza? No, and if you think it should, you are either stupid or crazy.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford likes eating, cooking and talking about food. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.