I wouldn't call it a scam. It's not like I'm calling up random households and offering them a free lifetime Netflix subscription if only they'll give me their social security number. And it's certainly no crime. I'm not walking into a convenience store, and stuffing a jar of peanut butter down my pants. Indeed, I'm just asking a seller to deliver to me what I am paying for, a straight-ahead retail transaction. But no matter how you look at it, we seem to have created a system whereby Target will in essence ship me free pretzels for the rest of my life.
It has its roots in the way we all shop these days. Nine months ago, if I was coming home after work and had some time to kill, I might stop by a clothing or computer or other specialty retailer. I'd meander up and down the aisles, occasionally picking up a new shirt or a cool accessory. No more. Accelerating a trend that has been well documented, online shopping didn't become just another game in town, it became the only game in town.
The sole exception was food. Like many, our only in-person shopping experience was heading out to the grocery store. But unlike the wanderings through those other establishments, these were highly structured tactical missions. We plotted what we needed, and went in with a detailed list and plan, all designed to limit our exposure in public. To that end, we eventually switched our normal weekly stock-up outings from the larger mega-groceries to smaller specialty chains that had more limited stock, but what we viewed as less risky environments. Then maybe once a month or so we would venture to the big box place to pick up a few items we had a hankering for but were not available in the little cousin. All good, as long as we could live with running out of a certain brand of cereal.
Or for that matter, pretzels. For some reason, the chain we liked didn't carry your standard bag of twists. No Utz, no Rold Gold, no Snyder's of Hanover. And so at snack time I was crunchless. Then my wife realized that her small online orders at Target could include shelf stable items and since we hit the minimum there were no shipping charges. And so we clicked online yet again, and I looked forward to some sourdough thins the next time the urge struck.
A few days later a large box showed up. I eagerly opened it up, anticipating that salty, crunchy taste. And indeed, inside were two bags of the best that Pennsylvania Dutch bakers (or at least their namesake corporate licensees) could make. Just one issue. While UPS is really good at getting the box from here to there, they are not always as gentle as they should be. And so what was in the bag was less pretzels than pretzel parts. Not one intact unit in the entire bag. Even if you buy them straight off the shelf at the store you expect some to be broken. But not every one.
We retreated online, where checking a box on the order form indicating damage resulted in an offer to ship us a new bag on them. Yes, same as would have happened if the goods had been a light bulb or a picture frame. But in what is a new trend with online shopping, we were told not to send the broken items back. Makes sense: the cost of shipping back small, low cost goods (or even those not broken but incorrect color or wrong size or whatever) makes no economic sense. More efficient, less costly and more customer friendly to tell the consumer to just keep the item and send a replacement. But whereas those aforementioned items when broken are useless, not so with pretzels. Whole? No. Edible? Yes.
And so two more bags showed up at the house. Again, nothing wrong with them from an edibility point of view, but there was as much pretzel dust in the bag as there were pretzels. And so another box check. And other 2 bags. And. And. And. And so as long as I am willing to eat pieces vs wholes, I am well stocked up.
It's a shame you can't break Peanut M and M's.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford likes snacks that are salty or sweet. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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