It looks like we might be coming to the end of our long year of trial. While caution is still urged in certain situations, the latest guidance indicates that we might finally see a light at the end of the tunnel for that which has all but taken over our lives. Masks? Yeah, that too. But what this really means is that perhaps we can finally wean ourselves off of our Amazon addiction.
Not that there's anything wrong with Jeff Bezo's cash cow. It has sustained us in ways we didn't even know were possible. Equal parts amazing and impressive, in the drop of a hat it went from being a convenient alternative for in person shopping to the only game in town. Be it socks or office supplies, groceries or leggings, toilet paper or light bulbs, all you need to do was pull out the nearest screen, tap a few times, and whatever you wanted magically appeared.
Just how magical? It used to be said that you could order Chinese food and it would be ready before you hung up the phone. While the pandemic has meant that takeout orders took longer, Amazon seemingly went the other way. Place an order for an extension cord, a jar of mayonnaise and a circular saw while you were in bed on a Saturday night, and before you had time to make toast the next morning there was picture texted to your phone of a package by your garage door.
It is indeed the miracle of the age. Let's stipulate at the outset that there is a serious conversation to be had about the energy and effort it takes to mail a pair of gloves across the country when there are likely multiple options within a five minute ride of your house. Likewise, I have to assume that there are much smarter people than me who have done the homework and figured out how they can possibly make a profit getting a pair of 99 cent shoelaces from a warehouse in another state to your door in less than 24 hours. But beyond those big picture issues there are more prosaic consumer-centric matters, including some aspects of their workflow which gives one pause. True, it does seem a little like complaining about the quality of the linen placemats on the supersonic Concorde, but that's the world in which we live.
For starters, let's talk boxes. I get that they are picking and packing a kajillion orders at lighting speed (Sidebar: Why does everything about Amazon just beg to be described in numerical superlatives? I know it is named for the longest river in the world, but nothing about them is small.) Still, sometimes we get three, four or even five boxes in a day, each with its own item. And often the boxes are way bigger than is needed: a 2 foot long container holding a 6 inch item and 5 packing bubbles. I'm sure we're not the only ones considering building a guest cottage out of corrugated cardboard.
And then there's their accounting system. Matching orders from your account page to your credit card statement is roughly akin to doing a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle of a Jackson Pollack painting. You might have placed an order for picture hooks, exercise bands and peanut butter, total $21.36. But because they bill when shipped, while your order will be 113-254876-15257, you will have 2 invoices, one for $6.99 and the other for $14.37. And that means your credit card statement will code them as AMZN Mktp US*IT34Hlaw394723 and AMZN Mktp US*IKE27owf4Hs037u85. If you're like us, half the time you give up and say it looks about right, but the possibility that some Estonian hacker is skimming off your account is certainly there and completely untraceable.
As the world opens back up, there is hope that you will once again start to patronize your local merchants, pumping dollars and foot traffic back into your neighborhood. Yes, it will require you to get in your car or walk a block as opposed to tapping on your phone, but that's how we maintain the local economy and ecosystem. That said, when I realize I need a tube of super glue at 10PM on a Tuesday night, sometimes the easiest way to have it in hand the next day is to ask Alexa's dad.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford is a proud Prime member. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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