It was barely a year ago that the word went out far and wide that covering your nose and mouth when you sneezed wasn't enough. Neither was washing your hands when you thought they were dirty. And so we rethought almost every aspect of our day to day movement and basically, well, we didn't. Move that is. We hunkered down and avoided people and places. And funny how when you don't see anyone or touch anything, coping with all of the above are very easy.
But we couldn't exist that way for long, and so slowly made accommodations to reengage with the world. First and foremost that meant masks. If you were ever in an Asian country and saw large numbers of people wearing them on the streets you wondered about the local populace's level of paranoia. We would never be that insecure, you thought, where a slight sniffle would cause us to walk around with that thing on our face. We're from pioneer stock dammit, we conquered the Wild West, we're not going to let a little bug slow us down.
Then, in the flash of a Fauci, we couldn't cover up fast enough. Soon even one wasn't even good enough, you had to have two. And then you had to have different ones for different outfits. And in no time they became as ubiquitous as water bottles, as routine as glasses. You stuffed an extra one into your backpack, then did it again until one day you reached in and pulled out ten. They seemed to multiply as if they were Tribbles.
Likewise your sanitary habits. If you used the rest room or touched something icky, sure, you went to the sink and lathered up. But in more instances than not you likely just wiped your hands on your pants and kept going. It was like the five-second rule of dropping something on the floor: if it was quick, there was nothing nasty involved, you gave yourself a mulligan.
Then overnight we went from the occasional scrub to each of us scrubbing in like we were going to perform surgery. Since sinks and soap were not always available, hand sanitizer became our best friend. We went from those little personal bottles hanging on the odd purse strap to dispensers at every possible point of contact. But ubiquity led to scarcity, and it became harder and harder to find the good stuff, making it akin to moonshine in more ways than one. People were making home brews, and actual distilleries switched production when they discovered that a pint of custom Purell was more valuable than a pint of Pappy Van Winkle.
And now? Well, forget all that. Almost as fast as it seemed to start it seems to have finished. To be sure, many are still wearing masks, and surfaces are constantly being wiped down. But thanks to the vaccines we can certainly see a path forward, and experts say our prior vigilance can be eased if not forgotten. That all flips the equation on its head, with supply catching up just as demand has dwindled. Shortage has turned to surplus as masks are a dime a dozen, and they can't give away a bottle of sanitizer of any brand.
So what do you do with all those extra face coverings? There are warnings of needing them for a future pandemic, but until that comes to pass, they are just taking up so much space. Suggestions range from emergency coffee filters to a pickle jar opener. Keep one in the car as a dipstick rag to check your oil. They make dandy potholders and eye shades. If you're a beard wearer, they might come in handy when having soup. And your favorite pet hamster might enjoy a hammock.
As for all those bottles of denatured alcohol and fragrance, suggestions abound. It works well polishing the silver or your eyeglasses. It's good for removing a sticky label and its residue, likewise it makes the removal of band aids ouchless. You can use it as a deodorant or as dry shampoo. And you can flip the equation, and use it to clean not the touchers but the touchee, the screen of your phone.
Now if we could only figure out a use for all those six-foot rulers.
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford has a basket of masks on his shelf. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
No comments:
Post a Comment