You walk into a restaurant, they show you to your seat and hand you a menu. You open it, scan the various categories, and see several things that look appealing. Then when the wait staff comes, and it can go one of two ways. You tell them your selection, then continue the conversation with your companion or fiddle with your phone. Or you say, "I'd like the chicken, but can I get it with sauce on the side?" Or "The shrimp looks good, but can I get it on pasta instead of on rice?" Or "The fish? Can you grill it instead of frying it? And can you have the chef use oil instead of butter? And can you go light on the breadcrumbs? And instead of broccoli can I get just a salad on the side?" You might call those substitutions, but in the vernacular of the day they are menu hacks. (Note that is a reference to the menu, not you, though your server might feel differently.)
There are two distinct schools of thought about this. One is that the chef has designed a dish to taste and look a certain way. Like a puzzle with interlocking pieces, each element plays a part, and changing any one changes the whole. If what he or she has created is not to your liking, then just order something else. The other school says that I'm asking you to cook for me, I'm paying for it, and it should be done the way I want it. Besides, any good cook should be able to adapt the ingredients they have to make an appetizing dish. So why not ask them to use their skills? Like most things these days, adherents of one side think those on the other are unreasonable and should be deep fried.
Most establishments and patrons fall somewhere in the middle, asking for small accommodations, and willing to make them to keep the customer satisfied. But with fast food restaurants it's not so easy. They have very specific procedures and ingredient lists which make customization difficult. However, while you can't easily change those ingredients, you can recombine them to make unique offerings. And that leads to McDonald's latest campaign: Menu Hack.
The idea is to formalize some fan favorite combos through a single order. Note that these are DYI: order the hack and you get multiple items that you then have deconstruct and rebuilt. There's' the Hash Brown McMuffin, giving you an egg sandwich with a hashbrown to put in the middle. The Surf and Turf combines a double cheeseburger with a Filet-O-Fish sandwich. And the Land, Sea and Air goes that one better, combing a Big Mac, a McChicken and a Filet-O-Fish. Lobster and NY Strip this is not.
Other quick service establishments do the same thing, though they build it for you. Oddly enough, while they don't publicize these creations, many have well known not so "secret" menus that codify these Frankenstein-esque creations. At Taco Bell, you can ask for a Cheesarito, which is melted cheese, taco sauce and scallions rolled up in a soft tortilla. At In-N-Out Burger, you can order a Flying Dutchman, which is two slices of cheese between two burger patties, and no roll. And while you can customize your drink however you want at Starbucks, you can also just ask for a Cold Buster, which is made of half steamed lemonade, half hot water, and a teabag each of Jade Citrus Mint green tea and Peach Tranquility herbal tea.
It's not just chain restaurants that have these secret creations. At Flip Sigi, a Filipino fusion restaurant in the West Village in NYC, while it's not listed, you can order a Filipino Underground Crunch Wrap, made with braised short rib, kimchi fried rice, Mexican cheese, shredded lettuce and homemade salsas wrapped in a flour tortilla. Or head to Le Cirque in Las Vegas. You won't find it printed anywhere, but if you ask nicely you can order the "Ultimate Surf-and-Turf." It features Japanese kobe steak with a perigourdine sauce topped with foie gras and shaved truffles, accompanied by a two-pound butter-poached Maine lobster tail in a lobster sauce, topped with lobster caviar and edible 24-karat gold leaf. It also has an ultimate price of $325 per portion.
Which leads to this. The next time you hear about Russian hackers, stop and think: do they mean computers or caviar?
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Marc Wollin of Bedford hacks his turkey sandwich. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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