Word Play

 We've all seen and sent the email or text which is open to interpretation and which we wish we could take back. Sometimes it's a casualty of speed: we're in a hurry, and don't fully think through the answer before we hit send. Other times it's a confusion with language, assuming understanding of terms or prior knowledge where there is none. And sometimes it's that darn spell correct feature that jumps in at the last possible moment. I once sent a note to my mom, where I intended to say "I'm fine." But I obviously mistyped it, and just as I hit the send button I noticed, too late to stop it, that it automatically corrected itself to "I'm dead." I had to call her to assure her I was not.

And then there're those that you send intentionally, but where there is a gap in understanding due to age, culture or language. English is a notoriously quirky tongue, with countless expressions, figures of speech and metaphors which make no sense if you take them literally. Or as the great George Carlin put it, "In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Park in the driveway and drive on the parkway? Sit in the waiting room and wait in the sitting room? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane."

There's also the fact that things that work in person with a wink and a nod don't always translate well from spoken to written. Something said out loud that is accompanied by a raised eyebrow or exaggerated expression might play well to a physical audience of one. But transpose that same delivery to words on a page or screen, and the hole you dig may be far too deep to climb out of.

A recent exchange for me went off course for these very reasons. For privacy purposes, I'll call the unwitting victim Danielle. I dropped her a line thanking her for a kindness, trying to be off-the-cuff, snappy and irreverent. In notes to others I try and steer towards fun, though it can cross the line, and I'm afraid that I miss the mark more than I'd like. That said, most people who know me usually take it as planned, with no malice intended or aforethought. But not in this case. Her husband thinks I hate her.

And why would that be? Because I said exactly those words. 

Wait! Let me try and explain (defend myself???)

My wife, among her other volunteer work, is a conversation partner with Danielle. This a program which helps students who are studying English as a Second Language to integrate into their new environment. She and Danielle meet once a week to chat about any and all. They talk about family, life, jobs, all as a way of making Danielle more comfortable with her adopted tongue.

Along the way she mentioned that she works a number of jobs to support herself, one of them at a Dunkin' Donuts. My wife mentioned my love of that treat, and Danielle very kindly one day brought a half dozen for her to give to me. I was very touched by her generosity, and asked my wife for her phone to text her my thanks. My message, in my normal breezy manner went like this: "Marc here. I hate you!!!!! 6 chocolate donuts is hitting the weakest spot I have!!!! Seriously: so sweet. Thank you so much for the treat!!!!"

Danielle, with her increasingly better grasp of how Americans speak, got it, laughed and responded in kind. Her husband, however, not quite as fluent, was baffled and thought I really was mad. The fault was all mine, not his. I was lucky that she didn't take offense, not so much with him. I'm lucky he didn't come and make me eat the 6 donuts in one sitting.

The playwright Tom Stoppard said, "Words are innocent, neutral, precise. If you put the right ones in the right order, you can nudge the world a little." Or in my case, send it crashing. I won't stop trying to reach out, or to do it in my own way, but perhaps I need to use a litle less force and bit more nudging. 

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Marc Wollin of Bedford likes to meet new people anywhere anytime anyway. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.