Parents want to impart all kinds of knowledge to their children. At a high level they hope that they will be able to teach them right from wrong, how to cope with success and failure, and how to have productive relationships with others. They also hope to teach them more mundane things: how to juggle your finances, how to read a map and how to tie your shoes.
However, while the former set of items is evergreen, the second set has changed over time, in many cases obviating your parental smarts. Online systems effectively balance your checkbook and suggest budgeting and investments. Maps that you have to follow with your finger have practically become obsolete, as GPS is used in your car or on your phone whether you are walking or driving. As to tying your shoes, it's fair to say that between elastic laces, slip-ons and Velcro, you could conceivably get to age 65 and never had learn bunny ears.
In any case, regardless of how much of an oracle you think you are, there comes a point in time when the kids stop listening. It's not that they can't learn anything more from you, it's just that they would rather figure it out on their own. There are also so many more sources of information in easy reach, all available with just a few keystrokes. That instruction is free, easy to follow and unencumbered by any long-winded family history diversions. Whether it's how to carve a turkey, how to fold a fitted sheet or how to fix a flat bicycle tire, there is a video that will show them how to do it before you can finish saying "When I was your age."
But eventually the tide turns once again. Mark Twain put it best: "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." As children mature into young adults they recognize that perhaps there might be some hard-earned tips and tricks buried with all the memories - if they can just get past the stories.
And so it was that our son is his persona as a new homeowner reached out with a routine and mundane question. As this is their first house, he and his wife are learning all the joys of being your own slumlord. For sure the biggest is having your own piece of turf with no one telling you how to use it. But it also means dealing with the almost endless set of challenges and headaches that come with being your own plumber, electrician and gardener.
His question was a routine one born out of a lack of experience in their new world: "How often do you clean the dryer vent? I know it can be a fire hazard." A legitimate question to be sure, and one with which a newby washer and dryer owner should certainly be acquainted.
Here's where reality and practice diverge. The "right" answer, the one I should have imparted as a long-time homeowner based on our own best practices as evidenced through years of experience, is between once and twice a year. This keeps the appliance running at its highest efficiency and reduces the chances of fire. But taking the question in the most personal way – as in "How often do YOU clean the dryer vent?" - I was embarrassed to answer with a single word: "never."
Actually, I have to qualify that. Once in a blue moon (or longer) we notice that the clothes are taking longer to dry, or we feel a heat buildup in the laundry room. Then, and only then, will I dismantle the flexible tube coming out the back of the unit, as well as the longer pipe leading to the outdoors, and scrape the fur off the sides.
The truth is that while I might preach preventive maintenance – clean your gutters, trim trees near the roof, weatherproof your windows – I am as much reactive as proactive. My inner boy scout is ashamed. Like so many things in life, the older I get the more I am living testament to the old proverb: do as I say, not as I do.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford finds his home maintenance routines are getting less stringent. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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