The concept dates back to the ancient Greeks. Called "parrhesia," it means "to speak everything" and by extension "to speak freely" or "to speak boldly." Other terms come to mind; candid, frank or blunt are but a few, but they carry a certain negative connotation. Perhaps the best equivalent is the phrase that became associated with President Harry Truman: plain speaking.
In this day and age that kind of talk is in short supply. We have become conditioned to automatically discount 90% of what we hear as hype, misinformation, selective telling, hyperbole, a sales pitch and on and on. It means that unless it’s your spouse or best friend or a child of less than 5, you take it as table stakes that the person you are talking with is bending the truth by at least half.
So when someone speaks plainly and directly, it’s a welcome development. In fact, it becomes a serendipitous moment that surprises and delights for two reasons. First, you get the information that you want, unadorned by any baggage or ulterior motive. And second, very often the person delivering the message recognizes that what they are doing is so unusual in the context of what we were expecting that they do so with a smile or a self depreciating delivery. It’s like a spontaneous stand-up act: Take my plain speaking, please.
Three times it happened to me within a week The first came early one morning at the airport. I was heading towards my gate, and decided to stop at the rest room. Just outside stood a worker with his cleaning cart. As I approached he bowed slightly to me and gestured as if he were the doorman at a four-star hotel: “Sir, welcome to the smallest but cleanest bathroom in the airport. I just finished cleaning it, and you are welcome to use it.” He grinned broadly as did I. I entered and used the facilities. When I came out he was still standing there, so I stuck out my hand out to shake his. He smiled: “I wasn’t lying, was I?” I assured him he was not: it was both small and sparkling. I thanked him for his efforts, and he thanked me for my response.
It was just two hours or so later that the next instance occurred. It was a routine flight, unremarkable in every aspect. When it was time to land, the steward came over the PA with the usually announcements capped by this: “For your safety, please take a moment to insure that your seat back is fully upright. You’ll know if it’s up if it’s in the most uncomfortable position possible. Sorry, but that’s just how they designed it.” As we exited, I stopped and complimented him on his very upfront instructions. He laughed and told me that ever since he started doing it that way he found more people complied than not. A little honesty went a long way.
The last was but 2 days later. The subway car I was riding that early morning was moderately crowded. The man in front of me had on earbuds and a mask, and was obviously an experienced rider from his stance and demeanor. I rudely starting yawning and forgot to cover my face. “Man!,” he said at a bit more than a whisper, “Cover your mouth!” I quickly brought my arm up and tried to stifle my faux pas. I apologized profusely, then looked away sheepishly. We stood apart for several minutes as the train continued. As we came into the next station, he turned towards me . “Sorry,” he said. “Pet peeve.” I assured him he had nothing to apologize for, that I was at fault. He very kindly said he understood, we were all tired, and wished me a good day as I did him.
In each case humans were, well, human. They said things as plainly as possible, with a smile on their face and light touch to their voice. Even when I was in the wrong and got called out, it started and ended there with no residual issues. Once it’s a pleasant distraction. Twice, and you wonder if there’s something in the air. But three times? Makes you wonder if there is hope for humanity. After all, these people didn’t speak truth to power. They just spoke the truth to me.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford tries to be honest and open. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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