Bot Me

I wrote this. I sat at my computer and pounded the keys until I had a column, the same way I have more than 1400 times in the past. But like many things, technology is now offering a replacement that is cheap, efficient and wholly without the need for a human. In this case it's ChatGBT, an artificial intelligence program that can write and respond in natural language. Backed by partners like Microsoft and their billion-dollar investment, it's showing how machines are evolving to do more of what was once thought to be possible only by people.

To see it in action, I gave it a prompt: write a fun essay about chatbots. What comes next is all machine, not me. I'll come back at the end. Ready. Set Go.

As I sit here and type this, I can't help but chuckle to myself at the thought of chatbots. They're like robots, but without the cool metallic exterior and ability to lift heavy objects. Instead, they're just little digital beings that live inside our phones and computers, waiting for us to type a message their way.

But what do chatbots even do, you might ask? Well, that's a good question. You see, chatbots are programmed to carry out specific tasks, like answering customer service inquiries or helping to schedule appointments. They're supposed to make our lives easier by handling the mundane tasks that we humans don't want to deal with.

But let's be real here: chatbots are basically just a bunch of algorithms masquerading as humans. They're like the ultimate party crashers, showing up uninvited and trying to blend in with the crowd. And let's be honest, they're not very good at it.

Have you ever had a conversation with a chatbot? It's like trying to carry on a conversation with a brick wall. They just keep giving you the same canned responses, no matter how hard you try to engage them. It's like they're programmed to ignore everything you say and just stick to their script.

And don't even get me started on the language they use. It's like they were designed by a team of robots who were trying to mimic human speech, but ended up just making a hot mess of it all. "Hello, how may I assist you today?" Um, I don't know. How about you start by not sounding like a robot?

But despite all their flaws, chatbots just keep on trucking. They're like the Energizer Bunny of the digital world, always chugging along and trying to be helpful. And as annoying as they can be, I have to admit that they do have their moments.

Like the time I tried to order a pizza through a chatbot and ended up getting into a heated debate about pineapple as a topping. Or the time I tried to book a hotel room and the chatbot kept asking me if I wanted a view of the pool. "No, I just want a room to sleep in. I don't care about the pool." "Would you like a room with a view of the pool?" "I already said no!" "Excellent choice! Your room with a view of the pool has been booked."

Geez, talk about stubborn. But despite their annoying quirks, I can't help but feel a little bit fond of chatbots. They may not be the most advanced form of artificial intelligence out there, but they're still trying their best to make our lives easier.

So here's to you, chatbots. Keep on keeping on, even if you drive us humans a little bit crazy sometimes. Just remember to always stay true to your roots as robots and never try to pass yourselves off as human. We'll always know the truth.

OK, I'm back. Me again. That is, well, scary. I did nothing but type "go," and in under a minute that's what came back. The question is this: can you tell it was a machine? Not quite my voice, but not too far removed. And it will only get better and better. Revisit that last line: "Never try to pass yourselves off as human. We'll always know the truth." I'm not so sure. As for now, I can still check that box when I go online that confirms I am not a robot. But it won't be long before, to paraphrase an old commercial, you'll have to ask: is it real? Or is it Chatbot?

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Marc Wollin of Bedford wrote this. Honest. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.