You know the feeling. You go the store with one particular item on your mind. Maybe it was a cracker that you had grown to love, or a particular shade of nail polish that you felt complimented your look. But no matter how hard you poke around, you can't seem to find it on the shelf in its usual spot. You ask if they moved it, or if there is any more in the back, only to be informed that the manufacturer has decided to discontinue it. Sigh. I know Russia has invaded Ukraine, monster heat waves are increasing, and Zuck and Elon are contemplating a steel cage death match. But now you're telling me I can't get my Trader Joe's 3-Seed Sweet Potato Crackers? The world really is going to hell in a handbasket.
Every year brings this kind of cruel reality to consumers with all manner of items. While it should be the most minor ripple in our daily lives, it causes surprising angst. That's because in a world filled with so much uncertainty these small bits of routine provide an anchor, something dependable to hold on to. Take them away, and it's one more piece of evidence that we don't have the control we thought we did.
This year has been no different than any other. Across the spectrum manufacturers are weighing products which aren't attracting the sales they need to in order to sustain them. That has forced producers to make strategic choices as to which production lines to keep running and which to shutter. And while emotion might creep into the equation, it usually comes down to the bottom line.
The list spans every genre. You can no longer get Dr. Groot Microbiome Scalp Fortifying Exfoliating Shampoo, Homestar Heavy Duty Cleaning Wipes or Scentsy Apple & Cinnamon Stick scented wax. All of these have their devoted constituencies, and their absence means fans will have to find other options. But the area that seems to have the biggest impact, where the disappearance of an item elicits the most passion, is not in matters of the head, countertop or nose, but the stomach.
From cookies to sandwiches to snacks, this year brings discontinuances sure to roil many. If you tried to eat healthier, you might miss McDonald's axing of their Egg White Delight breakfast sandwich. If you liked KFC's Popcorn Chicken, you will get the same taste but without the mouth feel, as they are being replaced with chicken nuggets in their mains and salads. And if your preferred afternoon pick-me-up was a Dunkin' Dunkaccino, you will have to order a hot chocolate and a shot of expresso and mix them together as the drink is no more. (The good news is there's no chance you will be subjected to the "Al Dunkaccino" fictional commercial from the 2011 movie "Jack and Jill," where award-winning actor Al Pacino proudly declares, "It's not Al anymore, it's Dunk.")
With the summer heat taking root, two of the most acute absences will hit particularly hard. If you're a Klondike bar devotee, you may have to share your fav with your adjacent brethren. That's because the company announced they are discontinuing the Choco Taco. If you haven't tried one (and now it's too late), it's a chocolate crispy shell filled with ice cream. If you simply must have one, DIY recipes abound, using a taco shell or a bent waffle as the base, then coating it in melted chocolate and nuts and filling it with ice cream. A lot of work, but if you can't get that monkey off your back, it's your only option.
The other "crime against humanity," to quote one distraught consumer, is that Good Humor is discontinuing its Toasted Almond Bar. Whether you got it from the truck rolling down your street or from the freezer section of your local grocery store, the 60-year-old iconic treat is no more. Yes, you can still get a Chocolate Eclair or a Strawberry Shortcake, but if your taste ran to the subtlety of frozen marzipan, you are out of luck. You can add your name to the online petition demanding that it be brought back (over 2400 signatures at last check), but other than that, with apologies to John Donne, when the little white truck's bell tolls, it is not for thee.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford will be very upset if they ever discontinue chunky peanut butter. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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