"It Could Be Worse"

As a parent there are a myriad of things that one needs to teach their kids. First there's the practical stuff you need to function in the world. This ranges from how to tell time and to tying your shoes to getting onto an escalator. Then there're the life skills that you'll need as an adult. This includes basic kitchen operations to navigating from one place to another to selecting an outfit appropriate for the weather. And depending on the family's locale there are specifics related to the environment. City kids have to learn to negotiate the subway, suburban kids to drive and how to park at the grocery store, and country kids the control of nature both domestic and wild.

You also need to go beyond skills to attitudes. Here it's less about teaching specific actions than modeling absorbable behaviors. Kids watch the way the way the adults around them act and react, and absent any other input, copy that behavior. On the surface it's not that complicated; tolerance, respect, caring and a host of other soft skills may be hard to teach beyond platitudes, but are easy to demonstrate in action. Of course, there's also the downside that living your hangups and shortcomings out loud can speak louder than words. It's not just about shrieking when you see a spider, or swearing when you lose a parking space. If you are uptight and rigid, that there's a reasonable chance your kids will follow that lead. Likewise if you are a pushover or overly laid back they may assimilate that approach. To be sure, there are multiple factors at play, all of which add up the eventual personality that your kids will develop. Indeed, sometimes they head the other way just for spite. But if you're a pessimist or an optimist, there's a good chance that attitude will rub off on them and their approach to the world.

The vast majority of people fall somewhere in the center of it all. To be sure there are hot button issues which engender more strident approaches based on culture, religion, ethnicity and the like. But most of us want our offspring to least start somewhere near the middle, and use their heads and their hearts to negotiate the complicated factors they will face. To that end we recognize that we don't know everything, and so seek out third party sources to share with them to develop the skills needed as they grow into adults.

For sure, easy access to all things online has changed the equation somewhat. Not a good cook? No worries: you can easily call up a video on the how to make a passable meat sauce. Not a fashionista? Lots of places to go showing how to pair a scarf with a sweater to make a stylish outfit for any occasion. Not handy? Tutorials abound on everything from repairing a leaky faucet to hanging a television on the wall. Just as importantly there are phone numbers of advisors and companies to help you do all of the above. Directing your progeny to any of the above doesn't make you a bad parent, just a resourceful one.

Age appropriate books are certainly another source of wisdom and instruction. (We'll leave aside the battleground that these have become over social issues.) These fall into four categories with many overlaps. Concept books don't so much have a main character, problem or plot, but rather a concept or skill as the central theme, such as the alphabet, colors or shapes. There are Predictable books, where repetitive words or phrases help build language skills. Narrative books have a story which leads usually to a positive solution, where characters deal with fears, friends and new situations. And Informational books present accurate, factual information on any number of topics. 

While these efforts can broach adult topics (and that's where much of the current discourse is occurring) there are still certain subtleties that they don't touch upon. My wife and our friend Carole, both with years of experience in the education world as well as being mothers, suggested titles for any number of which could help children deal with the world as it is. Call it a fifth genre: Realistic books. Their list of prospective volumes includes "Try To Enjoy," "At Least It's Not Raining," "Does This Taste Funny to You?," "I Should Have Brought a Heavier Sweater," and the sure fire best seller "How's YOUR Stomach?"

It's a little Jewish mother, a little Italian mother and a little of your own mother (assuming she's not one of those) all mixed together. And it might be just the tome your offspring or grandchild needs to cope with what will come their way. While they haven't penned it yet, Susan and Carole's edition of "It Could be Worse" might make a perfect birthday gift.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford has written for all ages. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.