Whether we visit Jessica and Paul, Sharon and Jeff, or Jayne and Van, we can be assured of generous hospitality. There will be plentiful refreshments of an adult variety, free-flowing discussions of issues important and banal, and lots of laughs. And from roughly Memorial Day through Labor Day, there is a reasonable chance that whatever is on the menu a major portion of it will be cooked on the grill.
Summer may mean golf for some, boating for others, and tennis for still more. But regardless of your preferred diversion during the day, if you have an exterior space and are cooking the evening meal, it is very likely to be over an open flame. We can quibble (indeed, have extensive polarizing arguments) if that flame is better coming from wood, charcoal or gas. But that is a discussion more about style than substance. We may be a 50/50 country on many issues, but when it comes to food preparation in the summer we are nearly monolithic in our preference for food cooked over fire.
There are of course regional differences, ethnic preferences and variations based on individual tastes. Indeed, there are comparative discussions about the superiority of one sauce over another, different ways to cook fish without it getting overdone and even cleaning methodologies. In fact, this arena may constitute one of the few areas where we are willing to not only listen to an opposing point of view, but to give credence to it without killing one another. Try doing that with guns, immigration or abortion rights. Not going to happen.
That said, there are well established principles that seem universal even if they fly in the sense of modern food sensibilities. While lots of healthy, lean options and veggies make their way to the grates, the best candidates and star players are still usually animal proteins with reasonable amounts of fat. Cooking is generally considered successful if part of the fare is burned or singed, and indeed, that state is expected and applauded. The sides that accompany the main course are expected to be creamy and indulgent as opposed to thin and astringent. And while combining cultural influences, creating crossovers and trying new tastes, flavors and sauces is fine, 105% of those surveyed just want a burger.
Perhaps the most enduring guideline is that for reasons that are archaic and play to the worse type of stereotyping, grilling is still mainly thought of in theory and in practice as a guy thing. In a seminal piece in Forbes many years ago, writer Meghan Casserly enumerated the big three reasons: "Grilling is sort of dangerous (there's fire!), it lets guys hang out together while also providing some sort of neutral entertainment (getting to watch one guy do stuff and possibly also criticizing him while he does it) and requires minimal cleaning (self-explanatory)." Or as Chris Moss wrote in Telegraph, (perhaps a bit more cynically), "The barbecue is a superb example of justified idling. It involves lots of standing around, and allows a male to appear busy while women/guests/kids run around making salads, laying tables, cooling beers and generally doing everything else."
To that end there are numerous "rules" to be observed in the arena. (Note that that these are genderless.) If you're not the one grilling, you have to walk up and say, "Yup. Lookin' good." Unless the entire thing is engulfed in flames, never touch another's grill (and even then, make sure it's not "some sauce burning off."). Your most important task is not to assist but to keep the griller company, and to be ready to eat the exact moment it is pronounced ready. If you are the griller, you must double click the tongs to make sure they still work, and repeat as often as needed. The 5 second rule applies to anything dropped. And you have to have at least one special/secret ingredient that you are happy to make unsecret if asked.
We try and be good guests. We ask what we can do to help, we bring drinks, and try and keep up our end of the conversation. A miss on any of those might earn you demerits, but by themselves are not disqualifying. But step out of line around the grill, and you risk banishment. Hosts can forgive much, but the grillmaster never forgets. Put as succinctly as possible by one online poster, the dynamic is that the person manning the grill is the closest thing to a king: "Don't touch anything. Bring me what I need. I'm cooking for you peasants, and you will eat what and when I tell you, and you will enjoy it." Happy summer!
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Marc Wollin of Bedford thinks his ribs are best, but is happy to eat anyone else's. His column appears weekly via email and online http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/ and https://marcwollin.substack.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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