My wife's driver's license was up for renewal, and while she could opt for the basic model she had had for many years, she wanted to upgrade to the new REAL standard. That federally compliant version was enacted in response to the September 11 attacks to tighten ID requirements in critical situations such as boarding aircraft. It was supposed to take effect in 2011, but there were numerous pauses and extensions. And now push has come to shove, with the new drop-dead date being May 7 of this year.
To obtain the new card means not just a renewal form, but providing proof of person and residence such as social security card, utility bill and the like. The idea is that the REAL card is somewhat akin to a passport, enabling guards at sensitive sites such as airports or nuclear facilities to know that the person presenting the card has been vetted by the government, and is who they say they are. But to accurately assess those forms and to confirm that you are you, online isn't good enough. And that meant we had to take a trip which struck fear in both my wife's and my hearts: we had to go to the Department of Motor Vehicles.
It's hard to imagine a governmental agency that has a worse reputation. There are endless black humor jokes about visits, many involving skeletons standing in line. Politicians regularly reference the department as the prima facie example of bureaucratic dysfunction. Even the "The Simpsons" has a whole sub-genre of DMV themed bits. ("Some days we don't let the line move at all. We call those weekdays.")
And it was all with good reason. The people who worked there appeared to hate their jobs, were surly in attitude, and seemed to take the least helpful approach whenever possible. The lines were legendary, both in length (endless) and speed (none). And it was routine that no matter what documentation you had it was the wrong stuff, necessitating a round of pleading with the clerk (see above) or being directed to a different line (see above) or leaving and returning at another time, likely to repeat the same frustrations (see above and above).
In fairness, though, it had been more than a minute since either of us had been to the DMV. And it turns out much has changed, trying to bring what was the punchline of too many jokes into this century. For starters, you can't just walk in. That makes the lines manageable if not non-existent. You go online and make a reservation, promising an appointment within a 15-minute window. Once there, you check in with an agent, and are sent immediately to a window to update your picture. In our case it happened quickly and with a smile. But then the clerk uttered those words of dread: "go stand in that line."
As it turns out, it was no real worry. There was one guy in front of us, and the wait to be assigned to the next agent was just a few moments. While not warm and bubbly she was certainly efficient. She reviewed all the proffered paperwork, had us check all was correct on a screen, sign the same, and insert a credit card to pay. They even took Apple, Google and Samsung pay. It was almost like a real business.
There was a moment of old school panic when she went to print out a temporary license while the new one was being processed. She turned and slid a form into a printer and pressed a button. Nothing. She took it out and tried again. Still nothing. She took it out, banged on the side and tried again. Third time being a charm, the machine sucked in the paper and did its job. She slid it across the counter to us, told us to look for the real one in seven to ten days, and bid us a good day. Elapsed time inside: less than 20 minutes.
Perhaps nothing indicated the change so much as something I noted in the lobby on the way out. Next to the registration window, where there used to be a carousel vending machine if you needed a writing implement, was a basket with pens, as well as clips to keep your potato chip bag closed, both free. Free! Had they also been giving out chips to go with the clip, I would have given it a sixth star.
And here we are, 10 days later, and her new license just showed up in the mail. True, she's not happy with her picture, but aside from that it was as streamlined a process as you could hope for. Does this indicate that at least this government agency has gone all 21st-century customer servicey? All it will take is a friendly AI assistant, and you could be forgiven for thinking that they outsourced the department to Amazon.
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Marc Wollin of Bedford has a license good till 2027. His column appears weekly via email and online on Blogspot and Substack as well as Facebook, LinkedIn and X.
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