Hard to believe, but it's finally here.
Last year, Allison and Dave, we gathered online for your wedding. While I (and I'm sure many others) had their doubts, it turned spectacularly well. Pandemic aside, many who might not have been able to travel to an in-person event, including kids and older relatives, were able to join. And where I thought we would "socialize" after the ceremony for just a few minutes, it was many hours later that we signed off, having "table hopped" from breakout room to breakout room, meeting and introducing friends and family that might not have connected in person.
Still, as we've all come to realize over the past two years, while most are very adaptable and managed to connect and function in ways we never before imagined, there is a hunger to be together. Be it work or play, there is no substitute for a chance to connect in person, with a real handshake and a real hug. And so this weekend we gather as one, not for your actual ceremony (we did that!), but for a "weddingish" celebration.
In some respects (and I know it didn't seem that way at the time) you are luckier than many: you get two bites of the apple. Most couples have the ceremony followed immediately by the celebration, and that's it. It's one and done. They rarely get to see the same crowd together again, rarely get to be the center of attention more than once. The next time in their married lives that all gather for a big family event or significant happening, it's likely to be a birth or graduation, and the focus is on someone else. A couple's next opportunity to be the focal point, if they are so fortunate, might not be until their 25th or 50th anniversary. And by then the roster of original attendees has likely changed significantly, thinned by time and distance.
Not so here. You gathered us all at the starting line, and now basically the same crew has reformed down the track. We get to both check in, and to cheer you on your journey. Indeed, we as audience members are also fortunate, for our fellow watchers are now not new to us. We now all have a connection and history together, and so can catch up versus get introduced.
As to you, you come to this party with a year under your belts, and perhaps a greater appreciation of each other and how you will make your way in the world. All those rosy colored aphorisms that we recited last year are no less true, but they are now tempered and tested by the last 365 days. You no longer have some idealized dream of how wedded life might be, for you have lived it. Hopefully you've had more "for better" than "for worse," and that balance will continue.
And hopefully you've also gone further done the road of figuring out the keys to your own lives together. In spite what Tolstoy wrote in "Anna Karenina," while all happy families may be alike, they are alike in different ways. What works for me or another doesn't necessarily work for you. And while you had plenty of experience as a couple before you got officially hitched, it's different when your names are together in a formal manner.
If nothing else, this one-year pit stop gives you a chance to remind yourselves why you did what you did. It's easy to go with the flow, and get caught up in all the minor details of life. Consider this a chance to reevaluate why you took the step you did, and to recommit yourselves to going forward together.
And so call it want you want: a first anniversary party, a rededication ceremony or a weddingish get together. The name matters less than what it is. From our standpoint it is a chance for family and friends to say again in person what we did last February online: we love you, we're thrilled for you and we wish you the best the world has to offer. And since all indications are that this once-a-year thing will work out just fine, should we put this in our books for next February as well?
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Allison Hess and Dave Wollin are finally doing it formally this week in person. Dad's/Dad-in-law's column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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