Saturday, April 16, 2022

This or That?

When we come across anything new or old, there are two basic questions we ask ourselves. First: "Will it harm me? Is it dangerous?" If the answer is negative (and sometimes even if it's not) we move on to question number two: "What do I do with it? Do I eat/ride/touch/pocket/poke/climb/take/leave it?" The answer to the second question is based on our personal experiences with what appear to be similar objects. If it looks like a kitten, we pet it because we have petted others like it. If it looks appetizing, we eat it because we have eaten other things like it. Sometimes we're right and it turns out to be cute or delicious. Other times we it spits at us or we spit it out. In either case we add the result to our mental cataloging system for the next close encounter.

This personal hierarchy is in addition to the myriad of classification systems that exist in every walk of life. These help us make sense of the world, be they computers or animals, cars or toothpaste, clothing or cheeses. Some are based on formal, scientific approaches to the elements in the group, like taxonomy for living things or the Dewey Decimal system for books. Some are far simpler: cookies can be homemade or store-bought, movies can be for kids or adults, plants can be indoor or outdoor. These and others like them are more informal, less rigid and can be open to interpretation. You likely have a summer wardrobe and a winter one, but on a cold spring eve you might reach back and grab a sweatshirt that is nestled with your fleeces and sweaters. Is Little Nas X country, rap or pop? The answer is yes.

Which brings me to my conundrum.

I volunteer my time at a local food pantry helping to stock shelves and put away incoming deliveries and donations. In most cases it's pretty self-explanatory: the pasta goes in one place, the cereal in another. From a classification standpoint, I have a pretty good idea of what goes where based on personal experience and accumulated knowledge. If a jar is Jif or Skippy, crunchy or smooth, it goes on the peanut butter shelf. We get the occasional donation of almond butter or peanut butter powder, but we park those next to their close siblings and let those selecting the food make the call for themselves. Likewise for canned meats, be it tuna or chicken. The occasional can of Vienna sausage causes nary a ripple in the operation, and finds its rightful home next to the Bumble Bee and Starkist.

And then there's ramen. The staple of college students and single folks of all ages, this Japanese mainstay comes in a variety of flavors and forms. While it's base is a broth, it also has noodles, meats and vegetables. Just add boiling water, and you have lunch or dinner or a midnight snack. Bet that takes you back to the dorm just thinking about it.

In addition to the aforementioned divisions at the pantry, there are numerous others, including a place for complete meals, another for soups. The former hosts canned beef stew and macaroni and cheese, the latter minestrone and vegetable. And here's the riddle: some days I find ramen in the one, other times in the other.  On a purely technical basis it probably wants to live with the chowders and the bisques. Yet on a practical level it would be just as home with the SpaghettiOs and the Dinty Moore. There is rarely enough for a constant supply, so it often runs out often without leaving a trail. The next person to stock the shelf with a new batch (many times me) has to make the call, which can vary shift to shift. It's important to note that neither answer is more correct, both persuasions seem to coexist with very little strife, and all who work there are very adaptable. Perhaps a lesson for life in general.

So what say you: soup or meal? A case can be made for both, and I promise not to think differently about you based on your response. Now, as long as we're on the subject: canned potatoes. Do they go with the peas and carrots? Or put them next to the rice and pasta? And you thought this would be easy.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford finds challenges in the unlikeliest of places. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.


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