By now the litany of things to do and not to do is well known: wash your hands, stand six feet away from others, wash your hands, cough into your elbow, wash your hands, avoid crowds, WASH YOUR HANDS. There are disruptions of all kinds in the everyday rhythms we are used to, and more to come. But while this is truly an emergency situation, it's different from the ones we usually encounter. Unlike snowstorms or hurricanes, there will still be electricity, refrigeration and communications, and barring some spot shortages, stores will have stuff to sell.
Still, the muscle memory of crisis response burrows deep. And so it's not surprising to see some folks stocking up, while still others are laying in supplies for an extended period of time. But there are two ways this can go. Maybe the world is ending and you will be ready. That means you alone on your block will have toilet paper to last till the millennium, and it will be worth $1000 a sheet. The alternative is that a month or two from now things will start to return to normal. In that case you will have to figure out some way to use up those 50 pound bags of rice and beans you hauled home, along with those 75 cans of tuna. And you'll have to make the cold calculation to forgo your organic kale and heirloom tomato salad in favor of that case of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, or take the loss.
If the later scenario comes to pass, creativity will be key. You'll start with the obvious: black bean chili and tuna casserole and fried rice, repeating them two or three times. At that point, you'll be down to 47 pounds of staples or each. What else is in your pantry? Perhaps add some beans to a soup. Or mix some rice in with some chicken and stir fry it. Or mix that canned tuna with some pasta. Or maybe a three-fer with a bean/rice/tuna medley. It recalls a certain Monty Python café that had "egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam."
As for those with a less alarmist approach, a trip to the store these days holds exactly the opposite challenge. If you are simply looking to replace that can of chickpeas you used up, or refill your plastic container of rice, or need a can of beans to make a casserole, you are likely to turn into that aisle to find the shelves bare, while the shopper ahead of you has his or her cart filled to the brim with 43 packages of quinoa. And they don't even LIKE quinoa. But it was all that was left between the signs that said "rice" and those that said "beans," and any port in a storm and all that.
So like any good gambler or cook, you don't play the hand you wish you had, you play the one you are dealt. As you walk the store, while you will see many shelves picked clean of shelf-stable items, they are still lots of possibilities. The question is just how much of a visionary are you in the kitchen? What can you make with olives, frozen cherries and parmesan cheese? Or perhaps pickles, almond butter and barbeque sauce? Maybe lettuce, mustard and beer? Because that's all that seems to be left. Mind you, tahini-caper salad dressing really does taste like vegan Caesar.
It would seem that those more alarmed among us have loaded up on the steak, while those less inclined have been left with the sauce. It would seem the right time for a little get together. If you are of a mind, call up your neighbors, and first demand to see a blood test. If that looks good, and your kitchen table is at least 6 feet long, put together a little of yours and a little of theirs, and aim for the best that that previously mentioned café has to offer: "Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top - and spam."
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford tries to cook with whatever he has. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
Still, the muscle memory of crisis response burrows deep. And so it's not surprising to see some folks stocking up, while still others are laying in supplies for an extended period of time. But there are two ways this can go. Maybe the world is ending and you will be ready. That means you alone on your block will have toilet paper to last till the millennium, and it will be worth $1000 a sheet. The alternative is that a month or two from now things will start to return to normal. In that case you will have to figure out some way to use up those 50 pound bags of rice and beans you hauled home, along with those 75 cans of tuna. And you'll have to make the cold calculation to forgo your organic kale and heirloom tomato salad in favor of that case of Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli, or take the loss.
If the later scenario comes to pass, creativity will be key. You'll start with the obvious: black bean chili and tuna casserole and fried rice, repeating them two or three times. At that point, you'll be down to 47 pounds of staples or each. What else is in your pantry? Perhaps add some beans to a soup. Or mix some rice in with some chicken and stir fry it. Or mix that canned tuna with some pasta. Or maybe a three-fer with a bean/rice/tuna medley. It recalls a certain Monty Python café that had "egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam."
As for those with a less alarmist approach, a trip to the store these days holds exactly the opposite challenge. If you are simply looking to replace that can of chickpeas you used up, or refill your plastic container of rice, or need a can of beans to make a casserole, you are likely to turn into that aisle to find the shelves bare, while the shopper ahead of you has his or her cart filled to the brim with 43 packages of quinoa. And they don't even LIKE quinoa. But it was all that was left between the signs that said "rice" and those that said "beans," and any port in a storm and all that.
So like any good gambler or cook, you don't play the hand you wish you had, you play the one you are dealt. As you walk the store, while you will see many shelves picked clean of shelf-stable items, they are still lots of possibilities. The question is just how much of a visionary are you in the kitchen? What can you make with olives, frozen cherries and parmesan cheese? Or perhaps pickles, almond butter and barbeque sauce? Maybe lettuce, mustard and beer? Because that's all that seems to be left. Mind you, tahini-caper salad dressing really does taste like vegan Caesar.
It would seem that those more alarmed among us have loaded up on the steak, while those less inclined have been left with the sauce. It would seem the right time for a little get together. If you are of a mind, call up your neighbors, and first demand to see a blood test. If that looks good, and your kitchen table is at least 6 feet long, put together a little of yours and a little of theirs, and aim for the best that that previously mentioned café has to offer: "Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top - and spam."
-END-
Marc Wollin of Bedford tries to cook with whatever he has. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.
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