Never Say Never

Most times we muddle through our day to day routines with only minor deviations from the norm. Maybe we choose a different breakfast cereal, perhaps wear a new pair of shoes, throw caution to the wind and order a pizza with both onion and sausage. Not so of late, as our routines have been anything but. Forget trying a shortcut on the way to work: we never leave our homes. Trying on a new outfit? You're probably rotating through a collection of sweatpants and tee shirts. And your diet has been defined as an endless cycle of pasta, chicken and burgers, then back to pasta again. If it's Tuesday it must be meat sauce.  

More likely there is a whole new set of "normals" that you would never have even dreamed about unless you were a consumer of dystopian fiction. I can't be the only person that has read a novel where civilization has to cope with a mysterious plague with frightening consequences and thought "Thank God I'll never have to deal with that!" And yet here we are. Depending on when you started making chalk marks on the wall of your bedroom tallying the days of our confinement, it's been more or less three months since all this dislocation has started. And in that time, what at one time seemed wildly unlikely behavior has morphed into your new day-to-day.  

The staying home part is probably the biggest change. BC we were constantly in motion, going to work and school, stores and restaurants, gyms and movies. We thought nothing of popping out to get a carton of milk or taking a ride to pick up a birthday card. Don't feel like cooking? Then let's head to a restaurant, maybe stop for some ice cream after. Even if we had nowhere to go we went there anyway: we might take a ride to a city or town just to take a walk, wander in and out of stores, grab a cup of coffee and sit on a bench to watch the passing parade. No more. Most of time we circulate through our available living spaces, maybe venture out once a day for a walk around our neighborhood just to stretch our legs. We live our lives through screens and – well – that's pretty much it.  

On the rare occasions that we do dip a toe into the outside world we treat it as if we are entering enemy territory. The difference is that the bullets are coughs and sneezes, and the soldiers are invisible. I was always a firm believer that you shouldn't be too precious with your immune system, that it needed a little workout to keep in shape. Not that I was licking the floor or anything, but prior to March I did use handrails with abandon, mingle with crowds and boldly shared a bowl of dip and chips. Now I keep my hands in my pockets, wear gloves when I don't, and wash everything down constantly. And yes, whenever I am in proximity to other people I look like a masked bandit.  

That all said, I also feel I have to draw the line. There are reports that while travel is down, there has been a keen uptick in the rental of RV's. Many of these are luxurious vehicles, completely self-contained and sporting TV's and comfortable eating areas and couches. Still, I don't see myself sleeping in a bed on wheels. I'm also not going to start to play Animal Crossing. I've never been a video game player before, and don't intend to start now. Yes, I like critters, but the live kind: cute, adorable, anthropomorphic animal villagers are not on my list. I'm also probably not going to start doing jigsaw puzzles. Did them when I was a kid, and that was enough. And I am not getting a Peloton. I try and exercise everyday, but the only person I want to listen to when I'm doing it is, well, nobody.   

Yes, I have made bread. Yes, I have drunk more wine. Yes, I have had zoom reunions. Perhaps I would have done those more or less with or without a health emergency. Can't say the same about cleaning out my office, transferring some old slides or rearranging the basement. But a Winnebago? Just not happening. At least not yet.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is amazed how much little stuff there is to do. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Other Current Events

These days it's hard to focus on anything other than our twin trials and their offshoots. If it's not about the virus, its effect on people and the economy, it's about racial justice and the actions and reactions to that ongoing struggle. Throw in the political ramifications of each, and you have a plate that is more than full, leaving little room for anything else. We're not just talking an elephant in the room, but an elephant, a gorilla and a tyrannosaurus rex all at the same time. Is it any wonder that that cute puppy over the in the corner is going to get squished like a bug? 

But in terms of news, the rest of the world hasn't stopped spinning. The big stories still get through: NASA's launch of a new rocket, the further clampdown on Hong Kong by Beijing, Russia pushing legislation to let Putin extend his term in office. COVID or not, these narratives are just too impactful not to make the front page, even if they wind up below the fold. 

But what about all the other stuff? What's happening away from the center of the action? After all, while we may say the only thing we care about is the latest use rate of intensive care beds, deep in our heart of hearts we are also wondering how Harry and Meghan are faring as private citizens. To that end, following is a a selection of what you may have been missing of late. 

In Utah, a cop pulled over a car he observed weaving in the left lane. The driver turned out to be a 5-year-old kid, who left his house in a huff after arguing with his mother when she told him she would not buy him a Lamborghini. The cop tweeted "He decided to take the car and go to California to buy one himself. He might have been short on the purchase amount as he only had $3 in his wallet." 

An Idaho man has set a new record for slicing Kiwi fruit with a sword while standing on a balance board. David Rush has broken more than 150 other Guinness records, including drinking a liter of lemon juice in 17.29 seconds and, with his wife, putting on the most tee shirts in one minute (32). For his newest achievement, his friend Jonathan Hannon threw the fruit up in the air as Rush cleaved each with a samurai sword. His new record of 65 easily bested the previous mark of 35. 

While the markets may be going up and down, if you want a growth property you might want to consider NBA trading cards. A 2003-04 Topps Chrome card, which featured then-rookie LeBron James mid-jump while taking a shot with the Cleveland Cavaliers sold for $7,150 four years ago. This week it fetched nearly 8 times that, going for $57,100. Even before its current whipsawing, the Dow was up merely one and half times in a similar period. 

Scientists near Sacheon City in South Korea have unearthed evidence of a crocodile that walked upright on 2 legs. Standing thirteen feet tall and weighting half a ton, it lived 120 million years ago and had legs as long as a human's. Named Batrachopus grandis, it was identified from almost a hundred ten-inch footprints unearthed during excavations. Professor Martin Lockley, of the University of Colorado Denver, had this appraisal: "I would not want to meet one these animals. It probably had no sense of humor."

And in what is either a power play, a bit of international cooperation, a defensive maneuver, or all three, there are reports that China is working on plans to assist Pakistan along their common border. Seems the Pakistanis have a locust problem, and China is reportedly studying the possibility of reprising a technique they used in 2000 to combat a similar infestation in Xinjiang. Then the Chinese deployed thousands of ducks and chickens to combat the pests. Based on their observations then that while chickens eat just 70 locusts a day and ducks 200, any future deployment should be of just the one species. With that in mind researcher Lu Lizhi of the Zhejiang Academy of Agricultural Sciences suggested that an army of 100,000 ducks should be sent to quell the uprising. Discussions are continuing. 

And now you can't say you're not up on current events.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford likes to read all the news. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Not Enough

We're short on masks. We're short on ventilators. We don't have enough gloves or respirators or intensive care beds. There is concern about running out of the special kinds of swabs and reagents for culturing, not to mention the very tests themselves. Then once they figure out a vaccine, there is acknowledgement that it will be a serious issue as to how to make enough doses, let alone the syringes and vials it will take to inoculate the entire world. And that's just on the health front. Social justice, tolerance, equal rights, empathy, patience, understanding, reasoned discourse – the list of things in short supply goes on and on. About the only thing we seem to have in abundance is caution. Sometimes. 

Well, you can add one more thing that to the list of shortages that threatens our world. There is a great deal of discussion about mail-in ballots: whether it is safe, whether it is fair, whether it should encouraged or discouraged. While not always falling along neat political lines, the arguments from right and left are as impassioned as any other political discourse. But regardless of which side wins out in any given locality, there is a limiting factor which, while it shouldn't influence the outcome of the debate per se, will have an impact. It creates the same roadblock on using the Post Office as a ballot box as not having enough cotton covered sticks to ram up your nasal cavity has on testing: there aren't enough envelopes in the sea. 

Like paper clips, pencils and note pads, envelopes are one of those basic office supplies that we take for granted. But just as paper usage has decreased with a shift to electronic communications, so too have envelopes become scarcer. If we print less, we also send less. And that means less heavier stock for carrying our missives. While your electronic inbox may be groaning under all the junk mail you get, your physical mailbox is likely seeing less and less traffic of any kind. And so in line with the most basic laws of economics, if there is less demand eventually there is less supply. 

Two other factors come into play. Mail in voting requires not just one envelope, but four. Number one contains the legal notice that is sent out informing voters to be aware that something is on their way. Number two holds the ballot and its accompanying conveyors. Number three is the binder into which you seal your official tally, while number four is the special oversized envelope need to mail the whole package back to the county clerk. 

On top of that compounding factor is the sheer number of voters that are moving in that direction. While the percentage of absentee and vote by mail ballots has roughly doubled over the past 10 years or so, the move to allow more people to vote that way this year due to the pandemic has rocket fueled the totals. In 2016, vote by mail accounted for just about 24% of the total votes cast. While it's not a straight line, absentee ballots requests in Michigan in its most recent election were up 97% over 2016. That's a whole lot more licking. 

Hence the shortage. More needed per individual use case, and less time to ramp up manufacture to meet the demand. It's not as if the supply couldn't be increased if the need scaled up in a gradual manner. But the sudden explosion just overwhelms the suppliers. It's as if suddenly everyone switched from plain to only wanting peanut M&M's, AND not the little bags but the big family size ones suitable for sharing overnight. There just wouldn't be enough, and we'd all be jonesing for a fix. Or at least I would. 

If our current situation has taught us anything it's that you can't take a supply of anything for granted. Not toilet paper. Not hand sanitizer. Not pork chops, not hair trimmers, not PPE. And now you can add envelopes to the list. It would seem that if it's critical to your world, you would do good to lay in an extra supply of whatever it is. For some it will be socks, for others hair color. As for me, I'm going to set aside a spot in our basement for the really important stuff. How much does a year's supply of Reese's take up?

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Marc Wollin of Bedford has a pretty good stock of peanut butter. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Background Action

The usual tells mean nothing. 

When you met a person, whether you admitted it or not, you made your initial judgments about them based on a whole host of superficial traits. What were their clothes like? Were they stylish, well coordinated, nicely cut? Likewise, other aspects of their appearance factored in: their hair, their physical bearing, their makeup. All added up to a first impression that you spent the rest of your time together either confirming or rebutting. 

None of that matters anymore. That's because all of your interactions for the last 3 months with people have been through the tiny lens perched above your screen. And as Jetson-esque as that turns out to be, it is also one filled with severe limitations. Half the world seems to be living in sweats or lounge wear. Shoes? Anybody's guess if you even have them on. No one's hair looks good. At least a third have cameras looking up their noses. And grainy video makes everyone have soft features, foundation not needed. 

And so we assess those on the screen based upon the only thing we can actually see, a person's physical surroundings. And what a change that is. Formerly most studiously avoiding mixing personal and professional: your home was a private world that you allowed only a very few to glimpse. You might drop a casual reference, intentional or not, about some new furnishings or a fresh paint job, but no one at work ever got to actually see it. You could play it, up, down or sideways, and no one could call you on it. 

Until now. If how you look has come to mean nothing, how your abode looks now means everything. Your taste in art, in books, in furniture, is on display for all to see. Unless you've positioned yourself to sit against a blank wall, your environment now counts as almost the only external personification of your personality.  But it's not as if the world judges you by that in any way that - wait - who are we kidding - you bet they do. 

When that video first pops up on the screen, the others on your call look over your immediate surroundings as if they are wandering through Ikea. That couch looks comfy. Not sure I like that poster. I would have a different comforter on the bed. What is that thing on the shelf over her shoulder? What a weird lamp. Not that you're being evaluated or anything. 

And that's the static stuff. By now we've all made some kind of detente with the other residents of our spaces to STAY OUT WHEN I'M ON A CALL. Of course this being real life it doesn't always work that way. Kids and dogs do wander through or yell out at the worst possible moment, in most cases providing a minor and amusing distraction. And lest your think it happens just in your little closed world, there are multiple instances posted online where professionals got interrupted, including one that resulted in a recent dressing down that PBS's Amy Walter gave her "staff" when they made a ruckus while she was on air from her home. 

As for me, I'm working on shifting some stuff around in my office. And whereas before I would have never cared what anyone thought besides me, now I am taking into consideration the image I want to project to the world. Do the classic album covers I have on the wall speak to my musical tastes or to my age? Does the old computer and tech gear I have back there give me nerd cred or mark me as a packrat? And what about the books on the bookshelf? Do the travel guides mark me as worldly? Are the old Boy Scout handbooks conversation starters or show I'm stuck in the past? Can I hide the box of old wires behind the couch? If I took this much care getting dressed I'd never leave the house. 

Mark Twain asked, "Is it, perhaps, possible that there are two kinds of Civilization - one for home consumption and one for the heathen market?" Put another way, you have a choice: make your place comfortable for you, or make it just look that way. And don't forget to lock the door.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is deciding which books to put behind him. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.