Milepost 1300

 If you're talking birthdays, 10 and 20 are celebrated as markers of attainment while 60 and 70 are more often looked at with a feeling of dread. That dichotomy aside, milestones that end in an ought usually offer a reason to at least take notice if not have an outright celebration. When your car hits 100,000 miles you may cock your head and smile, while a baseball player hitting 500 homeruns in his career is feted with champagne. Conceding this marker is somewhere between those two extremes, I shall pause this week to recognize if not luxuriate over the simple fact that the column you are now reading marks the 1300th outing in this space.

One three zero zero may be a round number even if it carries no real significance per se. Yes, the most popular Alfa Romero model was the GT1300, and the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center in Washington is located at 1300 Pennsylvania Avenue. But by itself 1300 lacks the sexiness of 1000 and the inherent achievement of 1500. It even pales next to the evenness of 1200, though it's probably equal in gravitas to 1400, or at least no worse.

Still, as the father of each of those incremental building blocks en route to this point, I pause to note that the hill has at the very least been climbed. At a rate of one a week, the math works out to a continuous slog totaling exactly 25 years. While by itself that's a solid run if not a record setting one, longevity like that is not as common as it once was. In fact, any number of other things that debuted in 1995 with high hopes are long since gone, like zip drives, Dolly the first cloned sheep, and the marriage of Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. 

In that quarter century, knowing how much competes for my attention and interest, I have tried hard not to take the few minutes you give to this space on a weekly basis for granted. The goal, if that's not too lofty a word for what is happening here, has been to amuse and inform. My aim is not to report on the above-the-fold headlines: there are countless observers focused on those important topics, be they climate change or gun control or racial justice. Nor do I aim to offer opinions or arguments designed to sway your thinking from one way to another. Rather, there is no end to things that catch my eye, stuff that I think others might also find worthy of their attention. The trick is to find it, shape it into a cohesive narrative, then share it and hope it tickles you as much as it does me. 

To do that I keep looking in the corners for the stuff that almost gets left behind, but I believe warrants a brief moment in the center of the floor. Rarely are they earth shattering revelations, but for some reason they attract my attention. It might be corporate bands (#408 "Rockin' the Boardroom") or celebrity perfumes (#541 "Sweet Smell of Success"). I've cast an eye on people (#806 "In Praise of Lyndon"), technology (#1096 "Plug It In") and language (#1048 "A Linguistic Hat-Trick"). And food, always food (#1139 "Onion Ash and Burnt Corn" and #1207 "The Chocolate War" to name just two). 

As to what the future holds, the world just keeps handing us lemons, and well, you know what that means. While a number of recent columns have indeed focused on the current situation (#1268 "Pandemic Pantry" and #1289 "Maskccesories"), there are so many more things just begging to be talked about. And so I see notes to myself to explore our addiction to Amazon Prime, advances in pizza boxes, and how Girl Scout cookies and beer have become a "thing." No, I don't know why, but I promise to try and find out.

They say a good house guest entertains themselves during the day and you at night. In the vein I try on a weekly basis to invite myself into your space, do my homework when its light and keep you amused once it gets dark. And with that, break's over. I'll meet you here next week, and while I can't promise the vintage, you won't be able to say that I didn't at least bring a bottle of wine. 

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Marc Wollin of Bedford will keep writing if you'll keep reading. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Product Intro

Welcome to the 2057 introduction of latest iPhone! It's hard to believe it was 50 years ago when Steve introduced the first model. It was a smartphone, yes. But it was also a camera, a calendar, a music player, a browser: the list goes on and on. And while it was revolutionary for the time, by today's standards it was positively prehistoric. Still, it was a baby step, and today we are taking a giant leap.

Introducing the iPhone 35. Thinner, lighter than any model we've made before, the 35 is almost invisible. In fact, the biggest problem with this phone is that I can't really show it to you. It's not that it's not in production or that you can't buy one. It's that it's, well, implanted. See this small line on my forearm? It's under there. Don't believe me? Let me walk over to this ultrasound machine and put my arm in and, there it is!  We call it the iPlant.

It takes just a 10-minute operation at any Genius Bar to get fitted out. There's no pain, no mess, no discomfort involved. The iSurgery kit is foolproof and simple, and our Geniuses fully trained at Apple General. Just make an appointment, have your credit card and health chip scanned, and you'll be throwing away your old Airpods in no time.

Aside from its physical traits, what makes the iPlant so revolutionary? Well, paired with our groundbreaking iMeld technology, all you need to do is think what you want and it will happen. Whether it's to make a call, listen to a song, or add to your calendar, as soon the thought crosses you mind, Siri does it. Let's say I want to call my wife. I just think "call my wife" and Oh! Hi honey! Didn't mean to bother you, just showing off for the folks. Yes, salmon would be great for dinner tonight, see you around seven!

While the brain of the iPlant is in your arm, the power, memory and antennas are in this wrap-around belt. Super thin and comfortable, you put it on under your clothes when you get dressed. You'll forget you have it on! You'll notice that when I put my arm by my side it lines up exactly with the belt, recharging, updating news feeds, checking your date book, retrieving the latest music. The belt has a small nuclear power unit in it, so it needs fresh fuel every 6 years or so. I think you'll make it through the day!

But the iPhone 35 is more than just another implanted connectivity device. It has been designed to have access to the most advanced network ever invented. It seamlessly connects to the our new 47G mesh hyper-connected dual capillary quantified SYSOPS network. That means that it actually transmits data in anticipation of when you need it. Not just in time, not instantly, but before: we call it Peremptory Information, or PreFo.

What does this mean in practice? Let's say you're thinking of ordering Chinese food for dinner. Just that thought triggers PreFo to place an order. With the speed of 47G, as you work through each aspect of your order it is put into action immediately. By the time you decide white or brown rice, it will be at your – oh, excuse me! Siri just informed me that they just delivered my tofu lo mein with extra soy sauce just off stage. Man, am I hungry!

I know what you're thinking – and not just because I have iPlant! How do I take pictures? How do I look at a website? Well, the iPlant comes paired with the new iLens. These contact-like lenses function as both camera and display. Wink left to take a picture, wink right to scroll a page. And they come in multiple colors: today you can have BabyBlues, tomorrow SmokyHazel. 

There's so much more to the new iPhone 35. Build in GPS locator so you are truly never lost. Pairable with your car and house so you have instant access as soon as you are within range. You can even use it to record your dreams, then play them back on your TV for the family… just make sure the little ones are in bed!.

The new iPhone 35, the iPlant. It's more than a part of your life: it's a part of you! Get yours today!

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Marc Wollin of Bedford just wants a phone to make a call. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Nap, Sir!

Washington had his troops. Patton had his tanks. Nimitz had his carriers, Grant his cannons, and LeMay his bombers. Todays' fighting forces have all those things and more. Modern soldiers rely on high tech tools to fight that are just as indispensable as guns and bullets, such as drones, GPS and robotics. Yet when push comes to shove, fighting the good fight always comes down to an individual solider putting forward his or her best effort. 

History is replete with examples where a single solider made a difference. Most notable are those instances where individual heroism under impossible circumstances saved lives or changed the course of battles. But for every Medal of Honor winner there are thousands of other less significant moments where a single solider had to make a decision on how to proceed that made a difference. And so just as weapons systems have been improved, so too should the means to maximize the mental and physical abilities of individual troops be brought up to date.

Recognizing this the Army has retooled its overall guidance on fitness. When last published as the FM 7-22 "Army Physical Readiness Training" manual in 2012, it was long on pushups. Chapter 6 is 116 pages long with headings like "Modified Triceps Extension" and "Leg Tuck and Twist." An explanatory note in chapter 1 says it all: "Military leaders have always recognized that the effectiveness of Soldiers depends largely on their physical condition. Full spectrum operations place a premium on the Soldier's strength, stamina, agility, resiliency, and coordination. Victory—and even the Soldier's life—so often depend upon these factors." Put simply, being able to hump a 60-pound pack in the rain in the dark up a hill can indeed mean the difference between life and death.

But there was a recognition that while physical strength is important, it is just one component of the job. And that's why the new FM 7-22 manual released this month is titled "Holistic Health and Fitness." It's not that the ability to scale a wall or ford a stream isn't important anymore. It's just that everything we've learned over the past several years about how to function at peak efficiency involves more than just strength and stamina, whether the hostile takeover you're dealing with is at the office or on the battlefield.

To be sure, soldiering requires a high level of bodily engagement, more so than doing battle in a court of law. And so physical readiness is still front and center. But rather than focusing on reps of single leg dead-lifts and flexed arm hangs, this new approach looks at fitness in terms of movement. It's the precision, progression and integration of that movement in running, marching or swimming that leads to the highest levels of performance. And the manual lays out that approach in detail.

What's also new is the weight given to the other components of being a healthy, well-rounded individual. There are chapters on nutrition, stressing vegetables and whole grains. There are sections on mental readiness, focusing on the need for cognitive, emotional and interpersonal balance. There are discussions of proactive and preventive health, as well as best practices during rehabilitation, pregnancy and even postpartum physical training.  

Sleep readiness is also a major topic, since, as stated in the introduction, "Sleep is necessary to sustain not only alertness, but also higher order cognitive abilities such as judgment, decision making, and situational awareness." As with any Army policy, good sleep habits are broken down every possible way. This include best practices during travel, off time and leadership's roll in setting an example. They also recommend naps as integral part of the plan, saying that "When routinely available sleep time is difficult to predict, Soldiers might take the longest nap possible as frequently as time is available." By that metric, I should be in in the Rangers.

In the past, many advances first pioneered in the military were pushed to civilian life, such as digital cameras, superglue and duct tape. In this case, the Army is doing the reverse, talking best practices that have been culled from everything from spas to Soul Cycle and making them part of their regimen. They used to say an Army marches on its stomach. Perhaps that needs to be amended to an Army travels on its leafy green vegetables while finding its well-rested sense of self. That, and drones.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford naps like a Green Beret. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Danger!

We can't go to gyms, so we've taking up walking with a vengeance. Dinners with friends inside is not advisable, so we've taken to gathering in parks, on decks and in makeshift dining rooms on the street. Seeing a show or movie in a theater is out, so al fresco stages and drive ins have gone from a curiosity to the only game in town. And while I don't like it I can come to terms with all of that. But now an insidious new danger has presented itself. And it strikes at the very core of one of the few things that I can do to get through this period, and that's eat. 

With more time at home and in easy reach of the kitchen, my grazing has intensified. I try and be a good boy, I really do. I'll grab an apple as I wander out to check the mail, or maybe some baby carrots en route to get a sweater. But if there is a monkey on my back it's my love of salt and sugar. So for every apple there's a pretzel (or two). For every carrot there's 's a Twizzler (or three). Thankfully, on that last point, my jones is for the red varietal. That's because a report in The New England Journal of Medicine this week highlights a case of death by licorice.

Seems that black licorice contains glycyrrhizic acid, a plant extract often used as a sweetener. Like many chemicals we all ingest, it's not a major issue in limited amounts. However, if consumed in high enough doses it can lead to a drop in potassium levels. And this gentleman reportedly ate one to two large bags of black licorice a day for three weeks, which qualifies as "high enough" and which subsequently precipitated a heart attack. He was rushed to Mass General, but never regained consciousness and died 24 hours later.

To be fair, too much of almost anything isn't good for you. And while you rarely hear of someone overdosing on kale, it's surprising how many foods have the potential to not merely upset your stomach but to do serious damage. As with the poor gentlemen in the report, you would have to eat amounts well beyond the norm to get to a toxic level. Still, while most are more likely to binge on Ben and Jerry's Urban Bourbon than on cherry pits (which contain traces of cyanide), anything is possible.

For instance, nutmeg is used in everything from pumpkin pie to topping your latte. But eat it by the spoonful, and it can cause major issues. As little as 2 teaspoons can be toxic, as that adds up to a high level of myristicin, an oil in the spice that can cause hallucinations, drowsiness, dizziness, confusion, and seizures. Too much coffee, tuna and cinnamon are also not advisable, as they respectively contain caffeine, mercury and coumarin, all chemicals that are dangerous at higher levels. 

In the case of other foods, it's less the amounts you eat than the part you are eating. Rhubarb goes well with strawberries, but only the stalks. The leaves contain oxalic acid which can stop your bones from absorbing calcium. Mangoes work in salsa or salads, as long as you don't eat the skin. There you'll find urushiol, the toxin in poison ivy, which can cause a severe reaction with swelling, rash, and even problems breathing. And potatoes can be baked, fried or mashed, as long as you avoid the green leaves, sprouts and stems. Those parts contain glycoalkaloid, which can cause nausea, diarrhea, confusion, headaches, and even death. 

Then there are those where preparation is the difference maker. Kidney beans have to be boiled before you use them as just 4 or 5 raw ones can give you a bad stomachache, make you vomit, or give you diarrhea. Consumption of improperly prepared cassava has been linked to goiters and pancreatitis. And Fugu or pufferfish has to be carefully carved, as parts contain a neurotoxin more poisonous that cyanide, and there is no antidote.

Odds are I'm safe, as I don't tend to ingest too much of any one thing. I eat most things in moderation, whether they be good for me or not. Protein like chicken, starches like pasta, treats like cookies, staples like Reeses's – whoops. On second thought, I may be at higher risk than I thought. 

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Marc Wollin of Bedford has been trying snack safely. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

Words of the Day

You've learned how to wear a mask. You've learned how to estimate six feet. You learned how to Zoom and how to wash your hands and how to disinfect a door handle. You might even have, perish the thought, learned how to cook. You didn't do any of these things because you wanted to, but because that's just the way things are these days, and it's what you have to do to, if not survive, than at least to keep going. It's either that, or just sit in a chair and stare at your screen all day. Oh yeah: you learned how to do that too.

They say that any day you learn something new it's a good day. By that metric there have been a lot of good days in the midst of the bad, even if what we're learning is stuff we'd rather not be dealing with. But in addition to these practical skills, there's another area where you've also gained some IQ points even if you haven't been trying. That's because just by virtue of dealing with the current situation your vocabulary has expanded. Even if you aren't a word nerd, you've had to add to your lexicon just to be able understand what all the chatter is about. It may not be the same as studying Shakespeare, but verily, 'tis more useful.

For example, before this all started, when had you heard the phrase "social distancing?" Likely never. And if someone had said it, you would have stated the obvious: it's an oxymoron. After all, how can you be social, yet distant? Yet here we are. Doesn't matter who you are talking to or what you are talking about, you can't swing a cat (a six-foot feline to be safe) without hitting that construct.

Then there are words that you likely used sporadically, but which now pepper your sentences like salt. Before you might have gone a day or more without saying the words "virtual" or "essential" or "curve." And if you did say one of them it was in reference to reality, ingredients or a ball, not a meeting, a worker or an infection rate. Likewise, you used to think of a bubble as something that was caused by soap, and a pod as something contained a pea. But now I defy you to hear the word "mask" and not think surgical before you think Halloween.

From a medical perspective, most of us get tongue tied saying anything other than "it hurts." But now I can say "asymptomatic" as easily as I can say "baseball". I also know that an N95 is not the part of my gas grill that connects the tank to the burners but a very specific type of PPE, yet another term I had never heard of before March. And drugs? Personally, I have problem saying aceta – acetamen – you know, Tylenol. Now Hydroxychloroquine and remdesivir roll off my tongue as easily as aspirin and band-aid. 

Even slang has been added and adapted. Those breakouts you get on your skin under your mask is maskne, while the drink you mix to take the edge off of the day is a quarantini. You don't' want to get zoombombed and have an outsider interrupt your video call, and if you took time off but couldn't go anywhere you hopefully enjoyed your coronacation. And on the pejorative side of the ledger those who won't wear a mask are maskholes, while those who basically treat this whole thing as a hoax are covidiots.

While estimates are that native speakers have a vocabulary of 20,000 to 35,000 words, most folks get through their day with just a thousand. As needed, you can reach into your memory banks and retrieve others, be it the specialized vocabulary needed for a tennis game, baking a cake or installing a new faucet. Well, now you have a whole new subset of a subset, that of "words useful in a health emergency, specifically a worldwide pandemic." Like many things, odds are that just when you get a firm grasp on the full suite, like ventilators and super-spreader and contact tracing, it'll all be over and you can let all of it slip to the background, at least for a while. 

On that last point, we can only hope.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford likes language and its intricacies. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.