Don't Give

And so it begins again.

While the starting line has moved, the race is still on. Used to be that Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, was the official start of the holiday shopping season. Then back when high speed internet was relegated only to businesses, it slipped a few days to Cyber Monday. Going the other direction and seeking to get a jump, many major chains started opening on turkey day itself. And now, after a year of doing it from home, more than a third of consumers say they started shopping as soon as they put the extra candy away after Halloween.

And what are we buying to give? As always, tech stuff of all kinds is a big draw, from headphones to phone accessories to anything with the word "smart" in its name. Food and food gadgets are always popular, from tea assortments to wine chillers. And items that say comfort are always welcome, from cozy socks to weighted blankets to almost anything branded UGG.

But while there are many things out there that might make good gifts for someone on your list, there are just as many that won't. And we're not talking about hair removal kits or toilet shaped coffee mugs or a World's Greatest Mullets calendar. We're talking about things that on the surface seem like a good bet, perhaps a unique take on an older product or an attempt to fill a specific niche for a particular interest. And yet they are simply a bad idea. No amount of marketing or hype can change the fact that they either don't work, cost too much for what they are, or are way more trouble than they are worth.

Take smart toothbrushes. They connect to an app that monitors how long you brush your teeth and report back when 2 minutes are up, a laudable goal for all of us. And yet the simple question is why? At around $200, it's a lot for something that really doesn't need to be connected. You can achieve the same outcome for a lot less money and infinitely less hassle with a kitchen timer and a regular brush. If you feel you must, splurge and get an electric model with a built-in stopwatch. But a Bluetooth toothbrush? A good example where being smart is actually stupid.

The same goes for a variety of connected animal stuff: automatic litter boxes, pet feeders and monitoring cameras to name a few. In theory not a bad idea. But in almost every case and every review, they are prone to malfunction, or you pay a premium for their "pet" pedigree. Let Fido and their owner stay with their tried and true method, and get them a new pull toy instead.

Kitchen gear is another place where the promise is far greater than the payoff. First, see if the recipient has any counter space left for a device that will be used sparingly once the initial trial period wears off.  And even then the question is how much will they use an air fryer or juice press or fruit dehydrator. A person can eat just so many dried apple chips, especially when can make the same thing in your oven, assuming you even want them after the first time.

Then there are the simple things that in isolation are fine, but, well, maybe think twice. Clever coffee mug? If it were the first, then perhaps. But how many "My Favorite Child Gave Me This Mug" mugs can a person have? Exercise equipment? Unless specifically requested, the subtext is as strong as the sentiment. Think about what this says to the recipient: you need to do something with yourself.  Custom photo attire? Perhaps, if it's personal and bespoke, but really, would you want to wear a tee shirt or socks with a photo on it of anyone in your family? I think not.

Still rules are meant to be broken. And if your significant other is jonesing for a Magic Bullet blender, who are you to deny them. So make some space next to the can opener and be ready to choke down kale and pineapple smoothies until they get bored. Not to worry: it won't take long.

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Marc Wollin of Bedford is buying his own presents this year. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.