Saturday, March 23, 2019

Fake G's

Hyperbole is the mother's milk of marketing. A computer is not just "new," it's "revolutionary." A car isn't just "fast," it's "screaming." Ford pickups "don't raise the bar, they are the bar." It's even on the box the guy just delivered to your house from Giuseppe's Pizza and Pasta: "You've Tried the Rest Now Try the Best." 

Well, maybe it is and maybe it isn't. We've all learned to discount the claims made by companies, figuring the truth is somewhere between nothing and everything. In most cases, we look at the basic specs to see if a product meets our needs, then do a little surfing and asking around. If it seems like it might work, we give it a go and hope for the best. Based on our experience we then tell our friends or post a review. And the product cycle of life continues. 

That all works if the claim is subjective. It's easy to decide if something tastes better or makes us feel warmer or makes cleanup easier. But if the feature being touted is done so as objective fact, it's a different story. I have no way of knowing if something is really made of bamboo or prevents injuries or makes you more attentive. Yet those claims were made respectively about Sears Bamboo Fabric, Vibram Five-Finger Shoes and Kellogg's Frosted Mini-Wheats. In each case the claims were deemed misleading, resulting in revised ads and millions of dollars in fines. 

The latest example revolves around what has become the hub of our technological universe, the phone. It was 35 years ago this month when the first commercial model was released, the Motorola DynaTAC 8000x. About the size of a foot-long turkey and swiss sandwich from Subway, it weighed 1.75 pounds, stored 30 numbers, took 10 hours to recharge, lasted about 30 minutes and cost $3,995. If you ever wonder if there really is progress in the world, consider its great-great grandchild in your pocket. 

But whether you are a member of the Apple or Android tribe, that is only half of the equation. The other is the network that supports the phone. The DynaTAC ran on a first generation network, or 1G. It was analog and good for voice only. Over the ensuing decades we've gone to 2G (digital including support for text messaging), 3G (higher speeds and multimedia support) and the current 4G (even faster and simultaneous connections). Even if you're a technological idiot you can appreciate the evolution from barely being able to make a call, to being able to talk to your mom while you text your BFF AND watch "Ant Man" on a 4-inch screen. 

Just as each of those G's was quantum leap from the last, so too will 5G be. Among other improvements, experts say it will be seriously faster than current 4G speeds: estimates start at 20 times and go up from there. It will make driverless cars practical, and remote telemedicine dependable. For your phone it will mean download times in seconds vs minutes, and live augmented reality with no lag. And yes, it will be what all the cool kids have first. 

And it looks like AT&T is the cool kid. Recently the company updated its phones to replace the "4LTE" symbol commonly found up top with "5Ge." Now, you might think that that indicates that they ready or adaptable or already playing in this new rarified air. That "e" is probably just some technological variant: the ‘5" is what counts. Right? Wrong. The "e" stands for "evolution," and just indicates a slightly faster 4G connection, not new technology. When 5G is finally here in about 2 years or so, you'll still need to buy a new phone which will connect to a new tower. At this point, they could just as correctly displayed "5G-ish." 

Sprint has filed a lawsuit accusing AT&T of false and misleading advertising. Not cowed easily, AT&T Communications CEO John Donovan conceded the phones aren't capable of 5G speeds, but said that the move was made to "ready" consumers about the forthcoming switch to 5G. In his view, it's merely planting a flag for the next big battle: "I have now occupied beachfront real estate in my competitor's head, and that makes me smile." 

Put another way: in a world rife with fake news, is it really any wonder we're talking about fake G's?

-END-

Marc Wollin of Bedford functions at a 3G level. His column appears regularly in The Record-Review, The Scarsdale Inquirer and online at http://www.glancingaskance.blogspot.com/, as well as via Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

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